Update: Unlike Kellogg’s, Subway has announced they are standing by Phelps and keeping him as their spokesperson. Bravo Subway, bravo.
Yeah that’s right, I said it. I’m going to boycott Kellogg’s. Why? Because otherwise they will think everything is just hunky dory after they fired an American HERO for doing what millions of other 23 year-olds have done before: smoke pot.
We’re talking about freakin Kellogg’s here people. Are they not aware ofÂ who their customer base is?Â DoÂ they not know who isÂ regularly buying Pop Tarts? I’ll give you a hint: it ain’t sober people. You’re honestly going to tell me that the guy who created Pop Tart’s wasn’t high at the time? Rubbish.
Personally, I’m not even a fan of Michael Phelps.Â In his media apperances he seems about as smart as a bag of rocks.Â However,Â you cannot deny that his performance this past summerÂ united Americans and instilled many of us with patriotic pride. There is no debate: Michael PhelpsÂ is the single most successful athlete in the history of the Olympic games.Â The man is, plain and simple, an American hero.
So how does a company like Kellogg’s treat American heroes? ByÂ not renewingÂ their contracts, a.k.a FIRING them. Yes,Â that’s right, Kellogg’sÂ fires AmericanÂ heroes. Are you patriotic Kellogg’s? Do you love America? Then why are you taking money out of the pocket of an American hero?
Michael Phelps was photographed smoking pot. Newsflash: Barack Obama used to smoke pot. The mayor of NYC, Michael Bloomberg, used to smoke pot.Â The American people have decided that if you have smoked pot, you are good enough to manage a city of 14 million and good enough to be leader of the free world. ClearlyÂ Kellogg’s does not agree with the American people – in their eyes, if you smoke pot, you are not even good enough to be a cereal spokesperson.
Lee Strahan, writing at Huffington Post, is also calling for a boycott, pointing out:
Kellogg’s has profited for decades on the food tastes of marijuana using Americans with the munchies. In fact, we believe that most people over the age of twelve would not eat Kellogg’s products were they not wicked high.
Andrew Sullivan has also weighed in, asking,Â ”When on earth are we going to grow up as a culture?”Â Supporters on Facebook have set up a fan page titled, “I don’t care that Michael Phelps smoked a bong” that is already above 2,000 members. An online petition has been set up, and there are now a flurry of news articles about how the story is uniting pot smokers, which CNN even did a report on:
I ask you So Good readers, whoÂ do you want dictating who your cereal spokesperson is? A) Puritanical anti-drug zealots?, B) The 41% of American’s who believe pot should be legal? or C) Patriotic individuals who don’t fire American heroes? Me? I choose B or C.
Some of you may be saying, oh it’s bad PR to keep Phelps, Kellogg’s had no choice, blah, blah, blah. WRONG. Kellogg’s could have easily stood by Michael Phelps. Both Omega and Speedo have NOT dropped Phelps as a spokesperson, and put out statements saying that the picture of him smokingÂ a bong was a private matter. I don’t hear any deafening chorus of people telling me not to buy Speedo’s anymore.Â SoÂ I sayÂ bravo Omega, bravo Speedo. IÂ vowÂ to all of my readersÂ thatÂ if I ever decide to do a total 180 with my preferredÂ beachwear and buy aÂ bathing suit that exposes 100% of my white, hairy legs, I will make it a Speedo bathing suit.
Subway is already making noises indicating that they will be the next company to cut ties with Phelps. As a former “Sandwich Artist” and lover of Subway, I’m asking you Jared, I’m asking youÂ Subway corporation: don’t do it.Â Fear my wrath, fear the wrath of So Good’s readers, and fear the wrath of rational thinking American’s everywhere who have already elected a pot-smoking President and can therefore totally, mostÂ definitely, handle a pot-smoking sandwich spokesperson. I don’t want to have to boycott you Subway, but mark my words, I will.
There’s plenty of other cereals out there. General Mills, Post, those weird bags that are always on the bottom shelf. Sure, Pop Tarts are pretty tasty, but I’m sure the store brand “toaster pastries” are fine too. Be honest with yourself: you could live without Kellogg’s. So do it. DO IT.Â Boycott Kellogg’s.Â It’s time to stand up for Michael Phelps, and stand up to American corporations who want to take money out of the pockets of American heroes just because when they are partying theyÂ prefer to smoke a plant instead of chugging a Coors Light.
If you feel the same way I do,Â let Kellogg’s know how you feel: