First off, a huge hat tip to So Good reader Ruca Bangs, whose investigative skills made this post possible. His comment on my last post about Kraft Foods having no friends on MySpace is chock full of deliciousness and the basis for this post.

But first, the brief back story. Two weeks ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about a MySpace page that was set up for Kraft Foods to use to launch a contest. More specifically, I mocked the fact that the page did not yet have any friends besides MySpace’s founder, Tom.

I used this information to make a handful of moderately amusing jokes about a Kraft Single in high school getting teased by Hormel Ham, losing out to a senior named “aged swiss” etc. etc. You get the idea. Fairly innocuous. But a whopping 12 days after making the post, I received a very intriguing comment on it:



At the time I wondered who could possibly be so confident that Kraft Singles would have “a bunch of friends” on MySpace. While I assumed the comment was left by someone involved in making the MySpace page, I was curious who felt the need to note that people like grilled cheese, “especially if you make it with Kraft Singles.” Huh? I mean honestly, who is that passionate about Kraft Singles? And who talks like that without owning stock in Kraft?

Ruca Bangs was curious too, and after getting a press release in his e-mail talking up the new “Happy Sandwich” campaign of Kraft, he noticed a quote from one Jane Hilk, Vice President of Marketing for Cheese & Dairy at Kraft Foods. Could it be? Could Jane Hilk be the “hilkster” who took the time to defend Kraft Singles 12 days after I made a post making fun of them?

The similarities between “Hilk” and “hilkster” would seem to make the answer an obvious yes, but that isn’t enough evidence on it’s own. Perhaps a quick check of the IP address that hilkster commented from would shed some light? I discovered that “hilkster” was posting from somewhere in Illinois:



A quick Google search gives us the location of Kraft headquarters, and shows that Kraft’s Global Corporate Headquarters is located in Northfield, IL, and their Management Center is in Glenview, IL.

I think it’s safe to assume that “hilkster” was none other than Kraft VP of Marketing for Cheese & Dairy, Jane Hilk. No wonder “hilkster” was so passionate about Kraft! They pay her salary!

Hilarious. But also awesome. I actually love to see management of all levels high and low reading blogs. The fact that Jane Hilk felt the need to comment on So Good is a testament to the power that blogs have in today’s marketplace.

So I say to my readers: if you think at any point I’m making a factual error in a post, feel free to let me know either in the comments or through the contact form. Oh yeah, and hilkster? Sorry, but I am definitely not a fan of American cheese or cheese singles of any kind. Readers, do yourself a favor, buy real cheese, not the overly processed American cheese that tries to pass itself off as real cheese.

9 Responses

  1. shatraw

    as if marketing hadn’t gotten stupid enough, along came the internet to make it not only stupider, more less expensive.

    not that TV is doing any better: i tried to sit through an episode of “queer eye…” last night and i found it impossible. that show has devolved into a series of shameless plugs for everything from balloon stores to gateway computers. i mean, i get it, they donate shit and get on the show and publicity and all that. but at this point, it’s nearly impossible to watch.

    just imagine how terrible it will get if the TV writers strike. there’ll be more god awful reality programming than you can shake a stick at.

    although, that’s probably great for you “top chef” disciples.

  2. fun

    nevertheless, nothing goes better with scrambled eggs than kraft singles. or on an apple slice.

    also i’m willing to bet the hilkster is fucking hot.

  3. Eick

    Hey Fun,

    Nothing? How about shredded mozzarella or regular cheddar? Or some Montery Jack? Also an apple slice? Yuk. Apple and cheese is money, but you need to get some sharp cheddar on that shit.

    Then again, you are the friend of mine with the narrowest, most revolting taste in food i know, who loves everything as processed and artificially flavored as possible, so this isn’t shocking news.

  4. hilkster

    Yes, it’s me!

    I commented on your blog to let you and your readers know MySpace Friends would begin appearing when the contest officially kicked off. I should have let you know my full name and position at Kraft. Obviously, I am passionate about the Kraft Singles brand and excited about the relationship we developed with MySpace.

    We do read blogs and are interested in what people have to say. I am sure sorry you do not like American cheese.

    I’ll make sure to disclose my name (not just my nickname) when commenting in the future.

    Jane Hilk
    Kraft Foods

  5. Eick

    Hey Jane,

    Welcome to So Good. It’s nice to have you as a reader even if our taste in cheese may be different.

  6. shatraw

    all right, back up the love wagon, eick. this is your change to put on trial someone whose company poisons millions of american children every year with it’s “pasteurized prepared cheese product” — which is what actually appears on the kraft singles wrapper. they can’t even call it CHEESE anymore, just like Spam is a canned meat product. something that, per serving, contains 2.5 grams of saturated fat, shamelessly contributing to the epidemic of fat kids (and parents) in this country. (to which the canned response “zero trans fat” will fall and mean nothing.) She also works for Kraft, owned by Altria, a company that both owns Philip Morris and up until recently, donated heavily to the arts. So interpret THAT information as you see fit. Personally, I like cigarettes… RJ REYNOLDS CIGARETTES! Boo this woman!

    so, jane who is just doing her job, before you come back and insist to me the Kraft Singles are chock full of calcium and part of a healthy diety, jam it. There is no evidence you can provide to me that would convince me that the makers of Velveeta and Kraft SIngles have anything but profits in mind, and that the whole “health” packaging is nothing more than a marketing ploy. or a least a transparent attempt to look like you give a damn, in a day and age when unprocessed and organic products are not only an alternative for savvy shoppers, but creating a heavy market share themselves.

    i pray i do not live to the day i see “Kraft Singles Organic” even though i know it’s already in development… possibly even test markets around the country.



  7. Cheeso McNasty

    No matter what VP of Marketing or any other cretin says, Kraft Singles have absolutely NOTHING on REAL FREAKING CHEESE.

  8. Gary R.

    I just watched a discovery channel program on cheese making. They explained that the “processed cheeses” are made beginning with big blocks of cheddar and other cheeses. Then whey, a liquid byproduct of cheese making, is added back with salt and other ingredients to make the processed cheese smooth. It’s a real food that somehow got a weird urban legend bad rep for being a fake food. Maybe it’s because of the “Cheese food” label that has to be used in the US.

    So again, for people who write in all CAPS, processed cheese is a real food, pop rocks and soda do not make your stomach explode, and the UN is not trying to create a one world government.

  9. Gary R.

    Wow, what visceral comments directed to someone who works at a food company from Shatraw. I just clicked on Shatraw’s name and it took me to an online gambling site?

    Who is the bigger devil processed cheese or online gambling?

    I try to limit all processed foods in my diet, but I thank god I don’t have to spend the majority of my day making every bit of food I eat from raw ingredients.


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