An article in yesterday’s NY Times, entitled The Pursuit of Happiness in a Grilled Cheese Sandwich reports that Kraft Foods is turning to a new agency, Nitro, in order to help boost sales. The NY Times reports:
“Kraft is suffering from lagging growth as consumers switch to cheaper store brands, costlier gourmet-style products or more innovative offerings.”
The new Kraft campaign will be called “Have a Happy Sandwich”, and will be a television, print, online and retail campaign touting the happiness that comes with eating a Kraft singles grilled cheese sandwich.
The campaign is centering around a contest on MySpace which begins on Oct. 15. Consumers are being asked to create video clips that celebrate grilled cheese; the winner gets $50,000 and a chance to have his or her video produced as a commercial. Only one problem so far, take a quick look at the Kraft MySpace page.
Awwwwwww! It looks like Kraft Foods has no friends. What a loser!
I bet this feels like high school for you all over again huh Kraft? You remember high school don’t you? No? Let me remind you:
- Everyone would make fun of you by asking if your many zits were “individually wrapped.”
- You would get pantsed on the playground everyday by Hormel ham and Butterball turkey.
- The bullies would cut in front of you in the lunch line while making cracks about “cutting the cheese.”
- Your attempts to have a threesome with two slices of WonderBread were thwarted when they ran off with that asshole senior “Aged Swiss.”
- Everyone made fun of your totally unnatural orangish-yellow color by calling you “orange dye #7 boy.”
Hey Kraft, the biggest newspaper in the country just wrote a story about you and gave a link to your MySpace page. But according to your profile you haven’t logged on since September 28th. You idiot! Is anyone manning your MySpace page? You could have 3, 4, maybe even a dozen friend requests by now! If you had played your cards right, Fruit-by-the-Foot and Lunchables would be your friends already!
Poor Kraft, just like in high school, you’re still on the outside looking in.
13 responses so far ↓
1 BaconHeather // Oct 2, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Seriously…sounds like the new agency is really working out! But I do have to admit that I still like an occasional Kraft single on a sandwich or even on its own as a little snack…despite how creepy the stuff may be.
2 shatraw // Oct 2, 2007 at 6:33 pm
homer: mmmm…64 slices of american cheese. 64 (eats one) 63 (eats one)
(Time elapses. night turns to morning)
homer: 2 (eats it slowly, painfully)… 1 (finishes the cheese)
marge: (entering the kitchen) homer, have you been up all night eating slices of american cheese?
homer: i think i’m blind.
3 hilkster // Oct 14, 2007 at 6:54 pm
check your facts. My Space won’t allow you to become a friend until the program starts tomorrow. Kraft Singles will have a bunch of friends. Everybody likes grilled cheese, especially if you make it with Kraft Singles.
4 Eick // Oct 14, 2007 at 8:42 pm
A) Check my facts? My whole post was based on the absurd premise of a piece of Kraft cheese attending high school…how do facts factor into this? Yes, you are right, it is a fact that at no point has a piece of cheese ever attended high school.
B) Myspace won’t ALLOW you to be a friend? Wrong. I just made a friend request and MySpace didn’t stop anything. Whoever is running the page has simply made the choice to not accept friend requests until Oct 15, it’s NOT MySpace stopping anything, just the page’s operator. Once a page is set up, Myspace allows you to do whatever you want with it.
C) “Everybody” likes grilled cheese? Actually I can think of 50 million people who don’t like it, that being all the Americans that are lactose intolerant.
D) Kraft singles are gross, just like any kind of heavily processed cheese is gross. You would never want to eat it cold, it’s only tolerable when melted. I’d much rather have a grilled cheese with some good sharp cheddar or some swiss.
5 Ruca Bangs // Oct 15, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Is it actually cheese?
hilkster is clearly a passionate kraft intern or a cheese lobbyist.
Don’t fuck with the cheese lobby. They have a whey of making you change your mind.
6 Kraft Foods STILL Has No Friends | So Good // Oct 15, 2007 at 1:22 pm
[...] Good wrote 2 weeks ago about a new marketing campaign from Kraft Foods centering on a contest to submit your own [...]
7 Uh-Oh! MySpace Users are PISSED at Kraft Foods | So Good // Nov 13, 2007 at 1:26 pm
[...] campaign. Twice I posted to make fun of their MySpace page for having no friends (see HERE and HERE). Then on October 17th, I busted their VP of Marketing, who posted on this blog [...]
8 endless simmer » Blog Archive » Krafty Bastards // Nov 14, 2007 at 9:11 pm
9 Happy Sandwich Campaign Has Lame E-mails | So Good // Nov 20, 2007 at 5:51 pm
[...] regular readers of this blog know, I have an amusing, ongoing, intriguing and frustrating obsession with the new Kraft “Happy Sandwich” [...]
10 Kraft Happy Sandwich: Winning Video Features a Sandwich Looking at His Genitals, Spam for Porn | So Good // Dec 23, 2007 at 11:55 pm
[...] it this much, but the campaign has, in some respects, been a comedy of errors. When I wasn’t making fun of them for having no friends on Myspace, I was busting their VP of Marketing for posting here talking about how great Kraft Singles are. As [...]
11 The Bullshit Observer: Ad Critique // Dec 27, 2007 at 3:11 pm
12 Chocolatesa // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:43 pm
To me, Kraft cheese products are based on PLASTIC. No thank you, friends or no!
13 foodfool // Jan 20, 2010 at 9:05 am
Poor Cadbury Schweppes what are they letting themselves in for
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