I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for much.Â While I’m reasonable, I demand people have a good sense of priority.
If you had to choose between eating a sandwich and saving a child thrown from a building, the decision would be tough.Â After a decent amount of deliberation, you catch the child…but you probably thought about eating the sandwich while doing it, am I right? Â Me too!
Or let’s say you have the choice to cure cancer or invent a fart-proof blanket?
I see. The fart blanket it is.Â How about this simple choice: Add yet another mediocre dirt cheap beer to the market or invent a long-promised hoverboard?
Mankind again chooses to ignore the hoverboard.Â 7 Eleven presents Game Day, a cheap-as-your-father’s-beer entry sure to be found in dorm rooms everywhere.Â Beer pong playing college studentsÂ will rejoice as Game Day attempts to one-up cheap rivals Keystone Light and the ubiquitous Miller High Life.Â It’s called Game Day.Â Could this be a more obvious marketing strategy aimed at game-oriented binge drinking?
The true question is how much of this watered-down swill do we need in a watered-down market of said swill?Â According to this wonderful article at Huffpo, cheap beer sales are on the rise.
“We can give premium beers a run for their money,” said Skinner, adding that Game Day performed well in taste tests, including among suppliers of premium beers.
Sounds logical enough.Â With a bit of advertising and decent market conditions, how could this possibly fail?Â I mean, it’s cheap beer.Â Oh.
This is 7-Eleven’s second attempt at beer. In 2003, they introduced Santiago, meant to compete with imports like Corona, but ultimately unable to gain much of a foothold.
I think my favorite thing about this is that 7 Eleven swings for the fences.Â Instead of going for a “Game Day” every-man-type-brew they go for an ethnically leaning beverage called “Santiago.”Â Could they have given this beer a worse name?Â Perhaps naming it after a different Latin American country’s capitol would have worked.Â Montevideo Beer?Â Sign me up!
Ethically speaking beer like this always strikes me as suspicious. Â It’s cheap as all get out and could actually be considered an effective weapon of mass, cheap silence.Â Marijuana is still illegal yet one can spend eight dollars on a 12 pack and then kill someone with their car.Â Something seems slightly out of whack here, but I digress.Â Off the soapbox I hop.
7 Eleven now offers store brand wine and beer. If that isn’t a sign that our empire is waning, I beg you to reconsider the existence of 7 Eleven wine. Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die,Â and with my luck I’ll die the day before the hoverboard hits the market.