Why? Because of their “Milky Way 2 to Go” bar. What is that you ask? Why it’s the same as a king size Milky Way, except it’s split into two parts!

Hey Milky Way, this just in: IT’S A FREAKIN CANDY BAR!

Since when is a candy bar NOT “to Go”? Unless you are in the airport duty free shop and buying a Toblerone bar the size of your forearm, every candy bar in the world is “to go.” Oh, and by the way Milky Way, really cute using “2” as well as “To”…you guys are adorable.

I know, I’m bitter, but I just read about this in today’s Washington Post. Fortunately, the article’s author, Monica Hesse, has the same level of skepticism I have. Hesse mocks the concept behind the candy bar, joking that the internal monologue of someone at a vending machine might sound like this:

“I would love to buy this Milky Way right now, but I am not sitting at a table and am entirely without knife and fork! If only someone would invent a candy bar that did not require such elaborate preparations for consumption!

You know what else can easily be eaten on-the-go? An apple. Or a banana. In fact, I see people eating them all the time. But wait…how could they have possibly figured out to eat those foods while on-the-go? After all, there is no label printed across bananas that screams out “bananas to go!” Could it be that people figured out what foods they could easily eat on-the-go by…gasp…using their own common sense?

So I implore you Mars Candy Company. Stop the absurdity. End it now before it goes any further. Think about the poor kids who, thanks to your over-labeling, may never again be able to determine on their own what is appropriate to eat on-the-go and what is not. Do it for the children Mars, the children.

12 Responses

  1. John

    I hate to belabor the obvious, but the label in the image you posted says “2 to go” It’s still stupid, but at least it isn’t illiterate. Proofreading only the copy isn’t enough.

    Reply
  2. Mandy

    Another reason that Mars makes one wnat to jab their eyes out is because Mars condones and practices animal testing. Of course your like ‘ Ok, so they feed a rat candy, whats the problem? ‘ No, its bigger than that. Experimenters force-fed the rats by shoving plastic tubes down their throats and then cut open the rats’ legs to expose arteries, which were clamped shut to block blood flow. After the experiment, the animals were killed. Mars has also funded cruel experiments in which mice were fed a candy ingredient and forced to swim in a pool of paint and water. The mice had to find a hidden platform to avoid drowning, and after the experiment they were killed and dissected. In yet another experiment supported by Mars, rats were fed cocoa and then anesthetized with carbon dioxide. Their blood was collected by having needles jabbed directly into their hearts, which can lead to internal bleeding and other deadly complications.
    Mars is the only candy company that does this mind you.

    Reply
  3. Jay

    I think what used to be sold as the “Mars Bar” is now sold as the “Snickers Almond”, with some subtle differences.

    Reply
  4. Candyluvr

    The concept is that it allows you to share it with someone without having to cut it in half. I think you’re reading too much in to it.

    Reply
  5. Megan

    Here’s a “concept” –

    wash your hands (as you should anyway) and BREAK the candybar in half… no knife required… no special label to let you know that you CAN share it, and not inhale the entire candybar by yourself.

    Reply
  6. Amber

    Why would you want to SHARE a mars bar?
    Just be a jerk and keep the whole thing to yourself, that’s what I say.

    Reply

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