Dear AMC Movie Theaters,
I just got back from a midnight showing of Batman:The Dark Knight. (Which, I might add for my readers, was dope, dope, dope. Go see it. And I’m not just saying that because I have a giant asexual crush on Christopher Nolan and every movie he makes).
Prior to the movie beginning, I had a craving, as I often do at movie theaters, for the delectable sweet & sour flavor of Sour Patch Kids. So I went to the concession stand and said “Sour Patch Kids please.” Did they say, “sorry we don’t have those, but we do have Sour Jacks”? No. Instead, they just handed me the Sour Jacks as if they were simply the same thing. If I’m going to pay $4 for a bag of candy, it damn well better be the actual candy I want.
Now some of you candy purchasers over at AMC are probably thinking, “well Sour Jacks are similar enough to Sour Patch Kids, what’s this candy elitist complaining about?” Uh, no, they aren’t. If you think that they are, you clearly do not have a discerning palate when it comes to sour gummy candies. Because quite frankly, compared to Sour Patch Kids, Sour Jacks are liking eat a handful of horseshit.
YES!
No!
Fortunately for you, AMC, I was so riveted by Batman that 3 minutes into the movie I forgot I was even holding Sour Jacks, and didn’t eat any of them after the movie started. I’ll let you slide this time AMC, but only because it’s 3:45 am and I’m still jacked up on energy from the movie. But I’ll be watching you AMC, I’ll be watching.
Love always,
So Good
Stumble it!
6 responses so far ↓
1 Toby // Jul 18, 2008 at 9:11 am
My boyfriend could not agree with you more. Every time we go to that AMC in Georgetown, he bitches about this!
2 toby's boyfriend // Jul 18, 2008 at 10:59 am
AMC theaters phased out sour patch kids some years ago. believe me, i was livid. i was making those candy counter girls dig through storage rooms, drawers, broom closets convinced that there must be at least one lonely bag left behind. sour jacks are a joke. sometimes, AMC will have the sour patch watermelons….which will suffice if desparate, but i enjoy more variety with my ‘patches. it’s easier to just stock up on the big bags from a CVS or other drug store and take them to the movies with you. it’s far cheaper too.
3 Jim L // Jul 20, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I love the statement ‘Sour Jacks are like Horseshit.’ Funny, because I agree.
They actually taste like chemically enhanced horseshit with rotten sugar.
4 clea // Jul 20, 2008 at 7:22 pm
sour jacks stick in your teeth and are like eating those shitty wax lips if they were covered in sour sugar crap.
they are worse than getting raisins or floss (from that fucking dentist down the street) in your bag when trick or treating.
we look forward to your arrival and introducing you to the most artery clogging yet delicious cheese fries.
5 Minjae // Jul 21, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I did a double take on that Sour Jack box where it says “Mouth Puckering” candy. Can you guess what I thought it said on the box?
6 Emily // Jul 22, 2008 at 1:27 pm
AMEN
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