When did it become impossible to eat Starburst without total strangers feeling the need to inform you that yes, pink is the best color?
This is a true story - about two summers ago, I was walking through Dupont Circle, pack of Starburst in hand, opening and eating them as I walk. When out of nowhere, some guy on the bench I was walking by says, and I quote, “Dude…eating Starburst huh? FYI, pink…..TOTALLY the best flavor.”
Uh what?
First off, who are you? Second, why are you speaking to me? Do you really think at the age of 25 I’m buying Starburst for the first time in my life? Or that I have no clue what the best color is? Even if I HAD just bought them for the first time ever, do I look like the kind of person that is incapable of discerning flavors and using my taste buds to determine which one tastes the best?
This also raises a much larger, and more troubling concern. Are there really people who think that the issue of the best tasting Starburst color is still up for debate? Do they not realize that this issue has been 100% settled for the past 20 years? I don’t know about your social circle, but mine pretty much reached the consensus that pink was the best flavor when I was oh, I don’t know, NINE YEARS OLD.
And please, spare me the “I actually like red the best” nonsense I hear from time to time. If that’s true, you are probably a communist. Red Starburst tastes like every other fake cherry candy on the market and pales in comparison to the brilliant flavor explosion that is the pink Starburst (no need to get into yellow, which everyone seems to agree tastes like kitchen floor cleaner).
So in conclusion, if you are a stranger on a park bench, don’t comment on my Starburst eating.
If you are an average American just reading this blog post, please, don’t pretend that there is some sort of open debate about which flavor is the best, because there isn’t. It’s been settled. I know, because I was there: June, 1989, when the world united to agree that pink was the best flavor.
(Photo of Starburst via Candy Craze)
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12 responses so far ↓
1 Youppi // Jun 11, 2008 at 12:12 pm
The way that quote read totally reminded me of someone… Is it possible that the guy sitting on the bench that day was… Jon Eick!? (or some sort of Eick Doppelgänger)
“Dude…eating Starburst huh? FYI, pink…..TOTALLY the best flavor.”
“Dude…are you me? FYI, strangers…..TOTALLY shouldn’t talk to them.”
2 Eick // Jun 11, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Yeah that’s what made it even weirder, is the dude said “TOTALLY” similar to the way I say it. Also, who says “FYI” in verbal conversation?
3 DCBlogs // Jun 11, 2008 at 12:47 pm
4 Youppi // Jun 11, 2008 at 12:57 pm
No one I know.
FYI, I don’t.
5 Chairman Mao // Jun 11, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Red is the best flavor.
6 Your page is now on StumbleUpon! // Jun 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm
7 Anonymous // Jun 11, 2008 at 3:27 pm
ORANGE!!!!!
8 Ashley // Jun 12, 2008 at 10:10 am
What about orange! Those are my favs. And red’s not so bad either. I’m really not a pan of pink.
9 Starburst Rant in Washington Post Express | So Good // Jun 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm
[...] For the second time (see first time here) a quote from So Good has been featured in the Washington Post Express “Blog Log.” This one comes from yesterday’s rant about Starburst. [...]
10 FHL // Jun 12, 2008 at 5:58 pm
No way, Lemon is the best.
Just wish they were easier to unwrap.
11 Gstaff // Jun 19, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Umm, it’s still Red…doesn’t matter if it’s fake cherry flavored or not, it’s still the best.
We need to get one of those burgers from Outback.
12 Megs // Aug 12, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Seriously, pink is the best. But yellow is a close second. And yeah FHL, what’s with the difficult wrapping? It discourages me from buying them.
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