Heard of Batter Blaster? It’s the latest product of convenience for America’s time strapped consumer. It’s pancake and waffle batter…in a can. No more messy prep work or clean-up when you want pancakes, just blast some batter right into the pan!


While I admire the ingenuity behind the idea, this CANNOT be a cost effective way to make pancakes. How many pancakes worth of batter can you really fit in those things anyways? Also, how long does it take to mix the pancake batter, an egg, oil and water? Maybe 5 minutes? Tops? But for those of you thinking, “Jon, unfortunately I don’t have 5 minutes, I need this product” there is one hitch:

“At this time, Batter Blaster is available in the following states: AZ, CA, NV, OR, WA and in Meijer Store’s in IL, IN, KY, MI, OH.”

What!!! I want my Batter Blaster! Now! Knowing this product exists, do you really expect me to keep making pancakes…gasp…the old-fashioned way? What do I look like, some guy who has hours and hours of free time? What am I made of free time? Is there just free time falling off trees? If so, please tell me where so I can take my chain saw and cut down these “free time trees” and hoard it all for myself so I can sell free time on the black market (i.e. ebay) for a handsome profit.

You lucky bastards on the west coast get first access to all the lazy man products of convenience. Damn you west coast! With your delicious, dank, laziness inducing pot and laid back surfer culture. Give me my Batter Blaster! I can’t be bothered to whip up pancake batter on the weekends – I am already hard-pressed for time trying to get from my bed to my couch as quickly as possible!

If you aren’t sold yet, perhaps this advertisement will help seal the deal:

3 Responses

  1. Diane

    I always wondered what was going through the mind of the person who thought of Batter Blaster. First time I saw it I almost cried from the fear realizing people HAVE gotten that lazy…doesn’t help that it says ‘organic’ on it. How organic can it be if it comes from a can?


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