Would You Rather: College Edition

Let’s travel back in time to college, or forward in time if you’re not there yet or you’re Benjamin Button.  You are walking around in your underwear, your dorm room full of dirty sheets and clothes.  It is two in the morning and you are jonesing for a quick snack before starting your second paper of the night.  You open your drawer to find two items intrinsically linked to your very existence: Ramen noodles and Easy Mac.  This decision is not an easy one, a “lesser-of-two-evils” scenario that at times left me stumped.

Now we shall raise the stakes.  You have to eat one of these items once every day for the rest of your life.  No excuses.  One of your three meals a day must be or include either Easy Mac or packaged Ramen with the flavor packet.  You cannot eat it without the flavor packet.  That’s cheating.

Option #1: Eat Ramen Into Eternity

With Ramen you get the bonus of exchanging flavors.  Don’t feel like Chicken flavor?  Pork is for you.  Don’t feel like consuming a discernible flavor?  Try Chili.  Or if you feel like grossing out the universe, Shrimp flavor exists solely for this purpose.

Before you get carried away and click “Ramen” as your option, consider this: One package of Ramen delivers a whopping 1700 mg of sodium to your system.  A healthy human needs only 250-500  mg per day, so you’re dosed up with three days worth of sodium intake for every package.  Your body will surely be mined for salt deposits when all is said and done.  Still, think of all of those flavors!

Option #2: Eat Easy Mac Into Eternity

It comes in a cup!  Only three minutes to microwave!  This is the astronaut food I was promised as a child.  Will it get monotonous/borderline dementia-inducing to eat microwaved macaroni and cheese every day?  Yes, but as the above indicates you can now get Easy Mac with bacon!  Because that’s  a good idea!

Temper your excitement, bacon lovers.  More than half your daily carb consumption in this tiny cup?  700 grams of sodium is still pretty high…lord knows your cholesterol level will eventually sky rocket.  And yes, you will have to deal with eating fake cheese every day.  My stomach curdles at the thought.

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