Note: This guest review is brought to you by Slanch, writer of The Slanch Report.

It took a while to summon the courage to open the Pineapple Jerky package. Not because the product was so daunting, I just have a hard and fast rule to avoid eating anything that so directly resembles an asshole.   However, with great trepidation I opened it up and tore a piece off.

Pineapple jerky

The first bite was delicious, tasting still sweet and almost juicy, the pineapple didn’t disappoint. The honey used to help “jerky” it was also evident in a delightful manner. Each bite was chewy and delicious, without being too tough or difficult to eat. Tearing bits off with my teeth was no problem. The center of the piece was a bit more difficult to bite through initially, but it too gave way.

In terms of taste, the pineapple was delightful. It did have a flavor similar to that of a Fruit Rollup, although the consistency was different; albeit not by much. However, if you’re a hippy parent who doesn’t want to give their child a factory processed piece of edible plastic, this would serve as a tasty and reasonable solution.

Was it jerky? Well, sorta. I’m not quite sure what the difference between this and a normal dried piece of pineapple is; perhaps it is the honey that makes all the difference. Or perhaps it’s just the name. Regardless, it was a very munchable snack, despite it’s unfortunate similarity to the human anus. In taste, it is clearly not similar.

If you can get past the visual (which admittedly was difficult for me) this is a snack that anyone would be happy to have packed, whether you’re going to school, hiking or taking in a baseball game.

Pineapple Jerky is available at

9 Responses

  1. Bear Silber

    I LOVE this stuff! I used to put it n my oatmeal where is would soften up a bit…..mmmmmmmm. I got mine from Trader Joe’s. Never heard to referred as “jerky”….but you know a weird jerky that IS awesome? Cactus jerkey! So GOOD 🙂

  2. Insanewiches

    I can see these being delicious made with honey as described, but I’ve also had them dried with way too much sugar. Not good eats.

  3. JamieSusan

    Aw man I was so excited when I read “Pineapple Jerky” because I fully expected teriyaki, bbbq, msg, and salt covered dried pineapple. Which, in retrospect sounds incredibly disgusting. But I wanted to know how gross it was. But NO, just dried fruit. Oh well. I guess I can only rely on Marvo to eat ridiculously gross foods and write about them. Hahaha.

    Love, Gimmeyummy

  4. rucas

    “I just have a hard and fast rule to avoid eating anything that so directly resembles an asshole.”

    I know slanch and he does tend to break this rule, but usually with an actual asshole. Other foods that look like ani: sliced bananas, starfruit, raspberry pastry, and of course, cheerios.


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