A few months back at the South by Southwest festival, Doritos introduced their latest product line: Doritos JACKED. The two flavors are Enchilada Supreme and Smoky Chipotle BBQ. Fittingly, they were available to purchase at a 56-foot high vending machine. But now you can just get them at the store. I’m left with a lot of questions. What happened to that vending machine? What does one do with a 56-foot vending machine when it’s no longer necessary? Can people fit inside of it? I demand answers!

The target audience for Doritos JACKED is pretty clear: young males such as myself. You know, the people you generally associate with Doritos. Lazy stoner-types. The packaging is emblazoned with capital letters, which is a thing that marketing people seem to think is a good idea. All I can think of is Harold & Kumar and EXTREME CHEDDAR!! These new chips are basically the exact same concept.

While Doritos are easily one of the most popular snack foods in America, I’m not a huge fan. The two most common flavors are without a doubt Cool Ranch and Nacho Cheese. Cool Ranch is pretty good, but I never liked Nacho Cheese all that much. Sour Cream and Onion ain’t that bad either.

So what’s so great about Doritos JACKED? Well, according the package, they’re “BIGGER. BOLDER. THICKER.” Which is cool, I guess? I’m not sure how making them bigger changes anything, but bolder could be good.

I headed to the supermarket to find these bad boys. There they were, in their loud, obnoxious packaging. I imagined a scary weight-lifter without a neck yelling “ENCHILADA SUPREEEEME” directly into my face. It was not pleasant. Anyway, I grabbed one bag of each flavor and headed home.

I began with Enchilada Supreme. Before I tell you if they are delicious, I must tell you a story. There’s an animated show on Cartoon Network called Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It’s awesome and I own every season on DVD, which is unusual because I don’t watch any other shows on that channel, or any other cartoons for that matter. Anyway, there’s one episode where they’re eating chips called Enchiladitos. Master Shake eats numerous bags of them because there’s a contest where some Super Bowl tickets are hidden inside of a bag. He gets diabetes and cancer from eating too many chips, but that’s beside the point (I swear this story has a point).

Probably a couple of years after watching this episode, I was at someone’s house and they got out a bag of chips called Enchiladitos. I had no idea that Enchiladitos were real. I ate a lot of them because they were delicious and spicy. I asked where this person found these chips and he informed me that he got them at a store called WinCo. I later found these chips on the Mexican food aisle at WinCo, bought a bag, ate them, and haven’t had them since (this was maybe 5 years ago).

So I bite into an Enchilada Supreme Dorito, and what does it taste exactly like? Enchiladitos.

That was a long story. Sorry I’m not sorry.

The first bite was like a flavor explosion, the main flavors being nacho cheese and tomato salsa. Possible hints of garlic and onion as well. There’s just one problem with these chips – they’re pretty spicy. A little too spicy for my tastes, in fact. So despite the delicious and plentiful Dorito powder, I can give Doritos JACKED Enchilada Supreme no more than 6.5/10.

Next up was Smoky Chipotle BBQ. The flavor of this chip was much less intense, although it still had a good bit of heat. It’s got your typical barbecue flavor, a little sweet and a little smoky. Then after eating a few chips, the heat kicks in. This is what experts call a delayed burn. My one little problem with these chips is that the flavor is somewhat muted. It seemed to me that there was less Dorito powder on this variety, for whatever reason. Even so, they were a little less spicy than Enchilada Supreme and therefore it’s easier to see myself eating an entire bag of them while watching Jersey Shore. Not that I watch Jersey Shore or anything. (I do.) 8/10

So there you have it. Doritos JACKED are indeed BIGGER and BOLDER. I was skeptical, as I usually am when packaging yells at me. But my fears were unfounded. If you’re interested in giant, spicy Doritos, these chips are for you. I prefer Spicy Chipotle BBQ, but if you want real heat, go with Enchilada Supreme. Either way, pack your bags ’cause it’s a one-way ticket to flavor town. With a layover in Fresno. Sorry about that, it was all they had.

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