In the spirit of Cinco De Mayo, and the continuation of my alternative summer beverage series, I present to you: Four Loko Margarita. Once you start looking, these alternative high-alcohol-content beverages are everywhere. Four Loko has an interesting history. After its rise and fall as an alcoholic energy drink it has been reinvented as a series of flavored malt beverages. Let’s see what the drink formerly known as “blackout in a can” holds for me today.

With a can this size it’s going to have to be pretty tasty for me to finish it. Thankfully, the package design is a camouflage print, so no one could tell what I was buying.

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I popped the top and grabbed a glass to fancy this tasting up a bit. As I poured it into the glass I was hit with a smell that I could not quite place, but I knew I didn’t like.

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I finally settled on a cross between Mike’s Hard Lemonade and a Corona with lime.  If you took those two things, mixed them up and left them in the sun all day you might get this smell. My wife said it smelled like college, which is pretty accurate. No matter what you call it, it is gross.

I really didn’t want to drink it, just based on the smell. It was completely unpleasant, but I soldiered on. The taste was worse than I imagined. I nearly spit it right back in the glass.

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It felt like layers of my taste buds were being stripped from my tongue as I drank. If you add some floor polish to your favorite malt liquor you can replicate the taste at home, without spending $3 for a can. There are so many cheap alcohol products on the market, I can’t find a reason for you to drink this one. It is terrible in every facet. Four Loko Margarita is a major “you don’t have to.”

 

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7 Responses

  1. Jim smith

    Too bad you can’t handle a real drink, but you shouldn’t go around putting your simplistic, sophomoric, and baseless reviews on the Internet. Why don’t you stop wasting everyone’s time with your antics and go back to work at wal mart, restocking the shelves. Nobody cares what you think anyway, so go back to drinking your wimpy light beers and leave the Loko for the real men to drink!

    Reply
    • Mark

      I published your comment so everyone else could laugh at you too. Loko for the real man? Priceless stuff right there. You sir deserve all four loko.

      Reply
  2. Tori

    Mark – did you feel super drunk afterwards?? or.. how did you feel? I feel like the news reports on this shit it a bit overblown.. I mean, it only has the amount of caffeine equal to two 8oz coffees, and the alcohol content… that’s like what… two glasses of wine? If I chugged two coffees and two glasses of wine, I would be obnoxious as fuck, but not blackout. I’m pretty sure its not four loko that causes people to pass out, but the 10 beers and the half a two-six of sour puss .

    Reply
    • Mark

      I didn’t actually finish the whole can, it just wasn’t enjoyable. I completely agree with you though. I think the combination of caffeine and alcohol is fine in limited quantities. Drinking to excess is drinking to excess

      Reply
  4. Michelle

    Yeah, four lokos, night train (wine), schlitz malt liquor bull, thunderbird, old English 800, all that shits poison, bottom of the barrel brews, placed in the hood for a reason, and no good reason may I add.

    That is all of my two cents, love ya blog BTW. Gonna try those adult truffles ya got posted.

    Reply
  5. Julie

    Every Four Loko I tasted is Awful! I usually buy a My. Dew to mix with it! Never knew about the caffeine content!!! And NEVER blacked out,just a quick buzz.

    Reply

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