Many cereals aspire to have the staying power of Tony the Tiger and his Frosted Flakes.

Cereal companies are forever trying to reinvent the bowl. Sometimes a quick influx of cash comes by capitalizing on a hot trend or passing fad. Fueled by Saturday morning cartoon hits, box office movie smashes or even peculiar characters from Prime Time TV.

Someone has to put a fresh spin on hawking O’s or marshmallow littered bags being passed off as part of a complete breakfast.

To their credit, most companies knew these “one off” releases were short lived, much like the sugar riddled attention spans of their target demographic.

Now, these cardboard boxes of pop culture past serve as time capsule nods to a simpler time when you pitied any fool who didn’t know the delirious feeling of satisfaction while scarfing down a giant bowl of Mr. T endorsed refined sugar and oats.

I heard their breakfast sequel, “Bill & Ted’s Bogus Oatmeal” met with less than enthusiastic reviews by both kids and stoners.

 Whenever you found a long stringy hair and called their toll free complaint line, the Operator would always playfully blame Cousin It.

Remember opening up a bag of this and the smell of baby powder wafting through the kitchen? People always complained about the lengthy, drawn out process it took when adopting a box at the grocery store.

“Did I Endorse Thaaaaaaat? snort snort”. Urkel for President. Think about that. Would it really have been worse than Bush?

You just knew Spock totally Vulcan Nerve Gripped “Digg’em”, the regular Sugar Smack mascot frog. It’s really the only logical deduction as to why he’s on this box. Set phasers to delicious.

That awkward moment you’re having breakfast with Barbie and Ken comes home from the night shift, early.

Points deducted for nothing calling out “High in vitamin T”. This cereal certainly must win some type of award for “Cereal shape most likely to become lodged in a five year old’s throat”.

If Pac-man claimed to have enjoyed this cereal on a regular basis, shouldn’t all the ghost shaped marshmallows been blue? The Super Pac-man marshmallows were an upgrade from the original Pac-man cereal in hopes it would increase sales. Sort of like when the Seaver’s adopted Leonardo DiCaprio on Growing Pains.

Not quite as dangerous as “Krusty-O’s” with their signature jagged metal prize. One of many Simpson limited editions including “Homer’s Cinnamon Donut” cereal & Bart Simpsons’ Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch.

1989′s Tim Burton directed Batman spawned its own cereal, Years later, the Batman & Robin movie tie-in would get in trouble with Family Groups due to the inclusion of nipple shaped Batman armor marshmallows

Not as popular as R2-D2′s Alpha-Beep-Boop-Beeps. Other failed Star Wars cereal tie-ins included: Wookie Bits, Lando Crunch & Choco Woks.

E.T. was addicted to Reese’s Pieces. If it wasn’t for homesickness, he would have eventually succumbed to Type 51 diabetes. I bet Spielberg would buy truck loads of this and just sit in his back yard, unloading on them with a shotgun.

Me? Oh I’m attending Yale on a partial Ghostbusters Cereal Scholarship, and I used the free crayons to write my admittance letter.

As a kid, if you were going to eat one cereal with crunchy Ninja nets, you made sure it was this one.

I liked the old days before Mario shrank and put on the weight. No wonder he has to drive that Kart everywhere now, or steal raccoon pelts.

No sarcastic call out telling you not to eat these after Midnight? FAIL.

Step 1: Add milk for some fun. Step 2: Don’t wait too long or it’s goo. This cereal makes me miss Menud-O’s.

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Andy

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3 Responses

  1. bigasssuperstar@gmail.com'
    Scott Simpson @simpson957

    I would gladly buy a case of Pac-Man, Donkey Kong or C-3P0 cereal if they were reissued a la Beep Drink.

    I loved those cereals. Especially Pac-Man.

    Donkey Kong was like Cap’n Crunch but didn’t cut up my gums as badly.

    C-3P0s tasted almost healthy.

    Thanks for the recap!

    Reply
  2. apage123@yahoo.com'
    BOB

    you forgot NINTENDO cereal!, 2 different cereals in one box, zelda on side and mario bros on the other

    Reply

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