We found the ultimate Starbucks secret menu – it’s so amazing!

Yesterday, formerly talented NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco (née Johnson) reported on Twitter that his rental Escalade was broken into, with his wallet, credit cards, and iPod being taken – thus ruining his potential trip to IHOP (now international!). Naturally, the item he declared that he missed the most was his Starbucks Gold card.

Not being a Starbucks regular, I have to say that I was unfamiliar with this exclusive card. I initially assumed that is was some kind of golden ticket, similar to the black Amex, with special perks like all the Caramel Macchiatos you can drink while getting a shoulder massage from Matt Damon (he has very soft hands).

Yet, after doing two minutes of research, I found that anyone can get a gold card – all you need to do is register a regular card and then buy something with the card 30 times. The primary perks? A personalized card, a free 15th drink, and free “select syrups and milk options such as soy.” Oh, and a free lid on your coffee cup too!

Oh Chad, I truly feel the pain that must come along with a loss as great as this…

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see Tom Brady sweating after losing his card. Perhaps because he can still play and is not mortgaging his future by constantly overpaying for water poured over fancy ground beans which is then magically turned into a milkshake. Poof!

You will be relieved to know that via social media, Chad’s wallet was eventually recovered – however, the elusive gold card is still MIA. But thanks to Starbuck’s twitter feed, they are on the case, and Chad will be complete in a few days’ time. I can now sleep soundly tonight.

H/t to ESPN for the ridiculous, and potentially bogus, story – seriously, it looks like he could really use the money.

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2 Responses

  1. Peter

    Why so much hate for Chad? He was just sharing some personal news with his fans in a humorous fashion. I don’t think he really cares about the Starbucks card, although he did say something about having over $200 left on it. And despite being near the end of his football career, he certainly isn’t going to be hurting for money any time soon. He’s a great entertainer and self-promoter, and football is not his main source of income.

    I think he was just trying to make light of a shitty situation (having wallet, license etc. stolen). It’s not that those things can’t be replaced, just that it’s kind of a pain in the ass. I personally find Chad to be very entertaining and refreshing, especially compared to his contemporaries, who never say anything interesting out of fear that they will say the wrong thing.

    That’s how I saw it, anyway.

  2. JT

    No hate for Chad, just poking fun at his situation and his lack of star power.

    He was a really good player, and the Pats sure could have used a good version of him last year.


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