This is more of a paean to retain my sanity than a proper food post. As I perused the site yesterday I realized that Eick had posted a small blurb about 88 cent crunchwraps. My neck snapped with a double-take. The mythical crunchwrap? 88 cents?

It’s obviously a ploy. A ruse. Forget the fact that most of our meat isn’t meat. Forget the fact that the myth of Taco Bell for most of my childhood was filled with stories involving maggot infestations at the meat stations. Just eat our tacos, dammit.

And I did. I ate those soft shell tacos by the dozen with heaps of fire sauce. Every weekend, in the middle of the week, and sometimes for breakfast (oh college, how I miss you). And this was me believing that there could be insects in the food. That is the power of relatively cheap fast food, fast food that also gains appeal because it doesn’t involve greasy burgers or fries.

The psychology of fast food tells me that when I’m eating a burrito it might actually be good for me. Hey, this thing has beans in it! It is not completely dripping with grease! And the meat isn’t gray! Coupled with a wealth of paper-like iceberg lettuce shreddings, one could posit that I was eating a Mexican salad rather than a simple burrito. Everyone knows that salads are good for you! SALADS!!!

My meandering point is this: Taco Bell, while I adore you for your cheap ways, you don’t need gimmicks like this to re-grow any kind of fan base. There will always be a new generation of young Americans, perhaps stoned, digging between their car seats to find that last quarter or dime, trying to make the dream of one last cheesey potato burrito before the night is over come true. So when your 88 cent Crunch Wrap deal dies quietly today, know that you still have one guy willing to spend five dollars to get two soft shell tacos, a little thing of cheesey potatos with the scallions on top, a crunchwrap with fire sauce and no soft drink please. Our love affair will never end.

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3 Responses

  1. Sam

    This reminds me of Marshall’s burger manifesto from How I Met Your Mother.

    “Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it’s so much more than “just a burger.” I mean…that first bite—oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then…a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a…a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food.”

  2. Clea

    No soft drink? Don’t you remember the drain cleaner colored Baja Breeze Mountain Dew!?
    Ahhhh those glorious days of esophageal ulcers…


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