“Don’t order the spaghetti.” – Worktree.com, on how to conduct yourself during a job lunch interview.

Before all you Italian-loving intervistati di lavoro (that’s job interviewees for all you uncultured groundlings) start mooning after your marinara-soaked ropes of pasta, just take a step back and think about it. There is no graceful way to eat spaghetti.

Sure, some attempt. You have your twirlers, armed with a spoon and a flair for dexterity, turning those lanky noodles into a compact, manageable bite. You have your hackers, taking the time to divide the long strands of spaghetti into bite-sized pieces. Then you have those who have seen the light—that no matter how much you twirl that spaghetti, there will always be red drip-flinging loose ends, and chopping up those long, gorgeous strands? You might as well chop of the hair of Samson himself. Okay, bad metaphor. At any rate, slurpers know these spaghetti-eating tricks are a hopeless tempt at staving off inevitable failure, and choose instead to eat that tomato/pasta succulence the way it was meant to be eaten: messily, like a vacuum. Unfortunately, they don’t score very many second interviews.

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My name is Sam and all I care about is food.

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