If  Veggie Tales has taught me anything, it’s that most produce are pun loving,  Bible thumping zealots whose idea of getting randy would be trying to woo their better half with Bazooka Joe comic level play on words. Of course,  pickling would take this to an entirely different level of cucumber on artichoke debauchery.

What happens in the crisper, stays in the crisper.

Who needs a sap drenched $6.00 Hallmark on Valentine’s Day, when a delightfully pun filled card will suffice? Call me crazy, but I’m sure your significant other would much rather have the extra  money rolled into a second bag of Doritos or perhaps an order of Crazy Bread with the pizza you just lavished them with.

Enjoy the following vintage cards, which would have made any 3rd grader pee themselves silly upon receiving.


If he gets to second base, there’s movie theater butter involved.


Most eggs like their dates over easy.


Pekoe-Boo, I steeped you.


The Carrot Sutra? Bean there, done that.


My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hun.


Will you butcher hand on my heart? I’m no chopped liver.


What do you call a Grandmother sheep?


The Crying Game version? She’s a sweet potato and a dude.


Frankly, I never sausage a bunch of bad puns!


In a cruller world, she left him for an eclair.


Pulp Fiction


I always root for the underdog.

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