Oh, where do I start?  Trust me when I say that competing in a pie eating contest was never on my bucket list.  That said, this past Sunday, that is just what I did at a favorite local sweet shop, Sugar Mama’s Bakeshop, which was celebrating its first anniversary. 
The mission: eat three mini-pies as fast as possible.  The competition: unknown.  The reward: a prize pack of top notch local goods, as well as immortality.

The contest pies (mixed berry, chocolate cream, coconut cream):

Now you are probably asking, that’s not a ton of food, what’s the problem?  My friend, the problem is getting those pies down, and down fast.

The other issue was that I had never done this before, so I was totally at a loss for how to proceed from a strategy perspective.  Which pie do I start off with?  Do I go as fast as possible from the beginning, or start slow and gauge the competition?  Do I make such a mess that I only end up eating half as much as everyone else?  I had no answers.

I can eat a lot, but not usually under the gun.  And I like to enjoy my food and savor it; but this was not the time to smell the roses.  Also, silverware was not an option, so every eating rule I knew went right out the window.  So when the gun went off, I just went for it, shoveling in the chocolate cream.  I made the unfortunate mistake of chewing some of my food, which apparently really slowed me down.  I was half-way through the coconut cream, when the winner was declared.  Yeah… no chance. Not even close.  There are professionals, amateurs, and then there was me.  Although, upon further review, that is not such a bad thing.

This contest taught me truly what I am best at – taking my time, lingering over the especially good bites, and taking it all in.  While there is fame and fortune in competitive eating, it is certainly not for the true foodies among us.

H/t to @CoolinAustin for the pie photo.  And much respect to local mom and pop eateries making a go of it and succeeding.  Also, here is video of the event; thankfully, I am not featured.