Pizza has been a large part of my life, as you can tell by my posting history.  Today I don’t want to strictly speak of pizza, but of pizza expectations.

The Rolling Stones once wrote, “You can’t always get what you want.”  And Charles Dickens once wrote, “WTF?  I went to this pizza joint in Andersonville and tried to order a pepperoni pizza and they wouldn’t make it for me.  So much for my great expectations!”  A blessing and a curse, people are curious about this small pizza joint because of an article in a men’s magazine.  That’s it.  Of course, a lot of people just skimmed it, which is, well, quite evident from the behavior of customers I witnessed.

1. If you want a pepperoni pizza, go to Domino’s.

One guy who sits down near my group of friends is threatening to do just that.  He’s incensed.  He read that stupid article in GQ and wants the best pizza in America, damn it!  The staff sighs and points to the chalkboard, where 3 pre-determined pies are available for order.  On a given night (depending on the availability of fresh produce and meat), there is usually a veggie pizza, a meat pizza and a white available to order.  All are $20 plus a pizza.  They don’t make pizza on demand.  The guy gets up with his girlfriend (who is hilariously mortified) and leaves.  The waitress shrugs and tells us it happens at least three times a night at this point.

2. If you want a short wait, go to Pizza Hut

If you go to the Yelp page devoted to Great Lake, most commenters complain about the wait.  Waiting half an hour to forty five minutes for a pizza is, seemingly, forever.  Hmm…why don’t we look at home-made pizza recipes online and see how long they take to cook?  Well, most recipes have a pizza cooking for 20 to 30 minutes.  So, wait.  Because the GQ article predisposes you to the idea that the wait is long, waiting a completely normal amount of time for a pizza to cook is too long?  A freaking Digiorno takes 23 minutes, for christ sake.  You’re here to eat quality food, not a fucking Marie Calendar’s Insta-meal.  Waiting an extra 15-20 minutes never killed anyone.  Unless you’re insane and under the assumption that eating uncooked pizza is great.  Or you eat raw dough.  Weirdo.

3. If you want to make snap judgements

Go to Yelp!  There are millions of them!  In fact, I’m thinking I should start combing the catacombs of the webbernet looking for the worst and most obnoxious Yelp! reviews out there.  You know the ones I’m talking about:

Karen M. – This place sux!!!  My mom’s pizza is SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better.  And the service was trble.  Awful.

WHO GIVES A SHIT?!  You don’t go to a restaurant to eat your mom’s pizza.  And as I will point out in the upcoming weeks, the reason it doesn’t taste like your family meals is because YOU SPENT AT LEAST FIVE YEARS BEING EXPOSED TO THE COOKING IN YOUR HOME.  You build up a natural affinity for your mother/father’s cooking (as long as it doesn’t suck butt), and it tastes specific and wonderful.  It should.  But when you go out to eat at a specialty pizza shop like Great Lake Pizza expecting everything to be traditional and just like home cooking, you should just cut yourself some slack.  Stay home.  Order in from Sarpino’s, they have those trucks and their fliers are everywhere!  Kick back and enjoy your perfectly bland experience as you watch reruns of “Farscape.”

Because heaven forbid that anything is new or different!  You might just have to complain to an online review site and potentially ruin other people’s experiences with completely groundless claims of mediocrity.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Great Lake is a fine pizza establishment with wonderful pizza made with farm-fresh produce and meats.  Just order it for pick up if you’re a pansy and can’t wait a bit.

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While the US economy seems to be on the rebound, many folks are still trying to make their dollars go as far as they can.  How do I know this?  Because that is the only reasonable explanation why people continue to take junk food and turn it into something they call “fancy.”  As first chronicled here, the site Fancy Fast Food takes fast food and tries to turn it into good looking dishes via their “extreme makeovers.”   Their most recent switcheroo: Carlbonade Flamande c/o Carl’s Jr.  Yuck. 

Now, along comes another effort, this time with food you can find in a vending machine, or offices in general.  Called Office Snack Gourmet, the post names “recipes designed to turn even the most disgusting of office snacks into delicious gourmet meals.”  Charming.  How about these delicacies: Twinkie Napoleon?  Truffled Berry Praline Purses?  3 Cheese Chilequiles? (above)  Gag.

Am I off base?  Judge, and test, for yourself.

H/t to Eat Me Daily for the tip.

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As you squeeze your packets out to make a nice little pile of ketchup on your plate/burger wrapper, no matter how efficiently you squeeze your ketchup, as that last drop goes from the packet to your plate, something is crystal clear to you: there is still a bit of ketchup on the tip of your packet! Do you toss it aside, leaving a pile of goopy packets? Or as you finish squeezing each packet, do you delicately bring it to your mouth, licking or puckering your lips to suck that last bit of ketchup off the packet into your mouth?

Earlier this year, we asked So Good readers if they were a yogurt lid licker and 74% answered yes. Well what about ketchup? Are you a ketchup packet licker?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

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The small business blog You’re The Boss on the New York Times’ site recently hosted a two-part post featuring 100 restaurant staffer “dos and don’ts” written by the owner of a restaurant about to open.  I agree with many of the items on the list, and recognize that most of them are not followed in nice restaurants, much less middle-of-the road eateries.  The customer is rarely ‘right’ anymore.

A bunch of my favorites:

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

What do you like/dislike from the lists?  Is the author asking too much?

H/t to TV Tango for the art.

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#5: Frankenstein for Orange Shasta

#3: Frankenstein for Pepsi/Doritos

Honorable Mention: Elvira for Coors Light.

Have a safe weekend, and take it easy on the candy – especially the stuff at the bottom of the bag.

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“With more beef and cheese, the $1 ¼-pound Double Cheeseburger beats competitors’ sandwiches, such as McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger and Wendy’s Double Stack,”

“1/4 pound of hot, not so fresh, delicious preservative laden beef!”

Dollar menus or value menus have been all the rage in the fast food world in the last few years, as companies look to offer as many deals and variety as possible to bring in more customers. Consumers love it, because instead of paying $6 for a value meal, they can fill themselves up on the cheap. For example, a McChicken and a McDouble at McDonalds is my go-to order – only $2 and it leaves me pretty satisfied. Well, satisfied from a fullness perspective, I am never satisfied when I’m forced to eat McDonalds.

The dirty secret of dollar menus though, that I alluded to in my opening paragraph, is that franchise owners HATE them. They feel that dollar menus allow people to load up on a few cheap items, instead of paying more for a value meal, costing them valuable sales dollars. Burger King has been fighting this battle with their franchisees for nearly 2 years now, as BK owners aren’t exactly eager to sell a burger for $1 that has been retailing for nearly $2.50.

Just last year, McDonald’s gave up their $1 double cheeseburger gambit, raising the price to $1.19 and adding the “McDouble” (essentially a double cheeseburger, sans one slice of cheese) to the dollar menu in its place. Yet now, BK is offering up a 1/4 pound version of what McDonald’s couldn’t afford to keep on its dollar menu? Good luck with that BK.

On the topic of cheap burger sizes, do you remember when the quarter pounder was considered to be literally a huge thing? People were all “whoa dude, quarter pounder. Alright. You aren’t messing around at this meal.” Uh yeah. Not so much anymore. A quarter pounder ain’t shite anymore people. Sorry dudes, but you are definitely not ballin’ if you are all about the burger that the local homeless dude can afford with a good 20 minutes of panhandling. But hey, in this economy, that’s a lot of sustenance for not a lot of money, so go buy it. Or don’t. I really don’t care.

H/T to Fast Food Maven and GrubGrade.

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No, that is not a Halloween disguise or temporary tattoo on the corn flake cereal icon.  Rather, in an effort to maintain its corn flake brand identity, Kellogg’s is going slightly above and beyond to set itself above second-rate flake manufacturers.  The potential plan, or should I say, boondoggle, it to literally give each flake an etched seal of approval so that people know what they are eating.  As explained by Kellogg’s lead food technologist (doesn’t that sound delicious):

“In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg’s corn flakes. We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg’s does not make cereal for anyone else. We’re constantly looking at new ways to reaffirm this and giving our golden flakes of corn an official stamp of approval could be the answer.”

The fact that someone actually thought it would be a good idea to burn the Kellog’s name onto each flake is mind-boggling.  I can’t even imagine how they would physically do this, or the poor soul that would have to QC the stamped product.  And you know it is only a matter of time before there is a typo.  And the taste?  I love burnt etchings on all my food.  Overall, I haven’t heard an idea quite this good since food pioneer Clark W. Griswold’s non-nutritive cereal varnish.  Legendary.

H/t to Paste for the info.

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In what will likely be good news to soft drink connoisseurs out there, Pepsi has announced that on December 28th, they are bringing back a version of their recipe with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup for a couple months.  While I am not a big fan of soda in general (or ‘pop,’ so I can speak to the whole country), I am much less a fan of HFCS, which I think was originally made by the devil.  Regardless, I know how people love Mexican Coke as well as Dublin Dr. Pepper, both made with cane sugar, so I am sure that a portion of folks will be super into this product.  But don’t expect this drink to be around long, as Pepsi surely will want you back on the HFCS train, per their agreement with the government and corn producers.  Until then, have fun.

H/t to Serious Eats for the scoop.

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So this is a new one to me. A burger with butter on it? Hmmmm. I know places that butter, or sometimes even heavily butter the buns they put their burgers on, but putting a big old slab of butter directly onto a burger? Wow. I stumbled across these butter burgers when reading a post on Andrew Sullivan’s blog, featuring a new ad for Miller High Life that prominently features this high-fat treat.

That looks awful and awesomely appealing at the same time. Apparently butter burgers are a Wisconsin favorite, and have been made famous by a place called Culver’s. Check out a review of these burgers from Would I Buy It Again?

Anyone tried one of these bad boys?

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I have to admit that when it comes to ice cream, I am fairly powerless.  I think that when you find the right brand and the right flavor, it is pure bliss.  And while I have done my part to explore as many undiscovered gems as possible during my travels, there is still much work to be done.  Fortunately for me, this is a hunt that will last as long as I can lift a spoon to my lips – and that is pretty encouraging.

When recently searching for “best ice cream” in Google (part of my regular due diligence), a year-old article from Forbes Traveler came up as the top hit.  I perused this document with much interest.  The article references a number of places, some of which I have heard.  Among them:

Cincinnati: Graeter’s
Cambridge: Toscanini’s
San Francisco: Bi-Rite Creamery
Santa Barbara: McConnell’s Fine Ice Creams
Wisconsin: Sibby’s Organic Zone Ice Cream
Boulder: Glacier Homemade Ice Cream

I have been familiar with Graeter’s for a while, and have always been interested.   McConnell’s is no stranger to my supermarket aisle.  The others are clearly more regional, and thus do not ring any bells. 

I know there are more treasures out there, and my aim is to try something new and delicious.  What I propose is to either order from one of the above vendors, or from a place recommended by a reader who seems particularity passionate. I will then chronicle my findings here.  The product does not have to be ‘ice cream’ per se, as I would happily embrace frozen custard, gelato, or any other cold dairy treat.  I do not discriminate, except on quality.  It also has to be shippable.

Let the great ice cream chase begin!  I await your recomendations…

H/t to Forbes Traveler for the top picture.

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I always get mildly depressed by ideas that want to seem original, yet are just rehashed garbage. Enter McDonald’s and the product that they’ve been testing in certain markets for the last few months: the Mac Snack Wrap, previously mentioned on So Good here.  This is essentially a Big Mac without the bun, wrapped in a tortilla.  I know, you’re hooked already!  If this is this supposed to be a “healthy” alternative to the pop culture burger icon, then they are sadly mistaken.  The Consumerist calls this concoction the ‘Big Mac Burrito’ which makes me gag even more than the thought of the actual burger.  McDonald’s, like Hollywood, has run out of new ideas.  I can’t wait for the McRib enchiladas coming to a quick service restaurant near you!

H/t to Eat Me Daily for the picture and to YumSugar for a telling poll (55% of readers would try it).

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Flavor: A little bit of honey, a little bit of peanut and cashew, and a little bit of cardboard.  It somehow manages to taste dry.  It’s as if they are actively trying to make me not like granola.

Texture: Flavor like cardboard, and sadly textured like cardboard.  It crumbled in my mouth, but in a strange manner.  I can imagine eating Styrofoam and getting the same affect.  In fairness, chunks of it were okay.  Thankfully the peanuts actually crunched like nuts.  Otherwise I would assume I’m just eating a spherical NASA-substance meant for astronauts containing nutrients but no actual food.

Appearance: Oh god, SO STRANGE.  I enjoy granola because there are giant glaciers of flavor amidst bits and chunks.  The flotsam and jetsam at the bottom of the bag are part of the deal for me, so it was strange to see this bag full of intact granola glaciers.  I blame this on my own pre-conceived notion of granola, but still, so bizarre.  Kind of looks like an owl pellet sans the bones and feathers.  Appetizing!

Verdict: I’d never buy them, but that’s because I enjoy either home-made or at least hand-made granola.  They should stick to the granola bars, because these nuggets seem like uncooked balled-up versions of the bars yet to be rolled out.  Once again, a simple all-natural food falls prey to mass production’s soul-crushing maw.

Image from the General Mills website, product received through MyBlogSpark.

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Many sports fans know that Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt recently competed in the track and field world championships in Berlin, Germany.  During two outstanding performances in the 100m and 200m races, Bolt broke both world records that he previously set at last year’s Beijing Olympics.  What makes these feats newsworthy in this space is the story behind the shoes he wore.  (Yes, it’s got to be the shoes.)

Bolt had his custom-made Pumas designed in a color to mirror his favorite root vegetable, the yam (see above).  Apparently, Bolt grew up loving the tuber, and it clearly has made an impact on him.  The question is, has it made him the runner that he is today, and is it too late to invest in yam futures?  Regardless, I hope it brings more attention to the delightful root, which it high on my deliciousness scale.

H/t to Stuff/Nz for the photo, and for those sweet potato/yam lovers out there, a great recipe here.

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