But while McDonald’s is at the pinnacle of the fast food world, they do some imitating of their own. For example, their McCafe line of beverages is a clear attempt to steal some customers from Starbucks; same goes for their recent restaurant renovations. Another example is their Southern Style chicken sandwiches, which are an obvious rip-off of Chick-Fil-A, right down to the pickle.

With McDonald’s food my opinion is generally that it’s ‘kinda good.’ Not all of their products are going to wow you, but they’re at fair prices, and they’re not turrible. Add the fact that there is seemingly a McDonald’s within every square mile in America and you have the top grossing restaurant chain in the country.

So that brings us to McDonald’s latest attempt at recreating a popular item in the fast food world: Chicken McBites.

Rolled out nationally last month, Chicken McBites are McDonald’s version of popcorn chicken, made famous by chains like KFC, Popeye’s, Sonic, and Arby’s. They come in three sizes: Snack size ($1.99), Regular ($2.99), and Shareable ($4.99). McDonald’s describes them as such:

Ready Steady Pop!  Bite through the satisfying crunch of poppable pieces of chicken made with premium breast meat.  They’re lightly breaded with a home-style flavor.  With the handy holder for your favorite sauce, one dip and you’ll experience the perfect tasting snack and a delicious new way to love chicken.

My initial reaction: they’re probably kinda good. I like chicken and I like dipping things, so I don’t see how it could go wrong.

I first heard of McBites quite a while ago and was kind of disappointed that they hadn’t yet been released in my area, so I was surprised when one day I rolled through to get my usual 2 McChickens and saw a promotional poster for McBites. I promptly ordered the regular size with ranch dip. At $2.99, it’s a pretty good value. I would estimate you’re getting  about 30 bites of chicken. The box also comes with a handy sauce holder.

But the real question is, how do they taste?!

My initial reaction was confirmed: they are indeed kinda good. They are nice and crunchy, although the breading does not have much flavor; just a bit of black pepper and maybe some salt. There really isn’t much chicken flavor either, which you can attribute to the lack of chicken.

As for the texture of the chicken, it doesn’t have the same weird sponginess of McNuggets, but it is also nowhere near as “real” as Chicken Selects.

The claims of ‘light breading’ are unfounded; I would say almost every McBite has more breading than chicken. They’re also quite dry and would be hard to eat without sauce. When I got to the bottom of the box there were a handful of crunchy bread pieces that were completely void of chicken. They were extremely dry, but once I covered them in ranch I didn’t care one bit.

When eating McBites, the sauce is very important because it’s really the only source of flavor. If you don’t like sauce you will not like McBites. I have eaten McBites about 4 times now, and tried them with different sauces every time.

Once I was feeling extra gluttonous and ordered the Shareable size. Do you ever order so much food that you feel like you have to pretend you’re not the only person in the car or else the employee will judge you? “Hey, person in the back seat, do you want anything? No, you just want to share? OK.” You haven’t done that? Me either.

Anyway, Ranch was my favorite sauce, because I love ranch. Chipotle BBQ comes in second, because it has a very good smoky flavor. Next comes Sweet n’ Sour, because salty and sweet is a great combination, although it should just be called Sweet, because there is no sour. Then Tangy BBQ; it’s definitely tangy but not great overall flavor. Honey Mustard comes in last, but I hate honey mustard so my opinion is invalid. But McBites are really just a new way for me to get Ranch into my mouth.

Overall, I give McDonald’s a C+ on McBites. They kind of half-assed this one, but luckily for them they can afford to do it because people like me will say they’re “kinda good,” and buy them because they’re cheap and McDonald’s is close-by.

For me, the main draw to McBites is the price. For $1.99, you get a nice snack; for $2.99 a meal (along with fries of course); and for $4.99, more McBites than you can eat by yourself. The other thing they’ve got going for them is this website, which is awesome. Dude reeeeeally loves McBites.

But if I’m craving popcorn chicken I still prefer KFC’s rendition, because they have chicken, and flavor (eleven herbs and spices, to be exact). If I’m at McDonald’s and craving chicken, I’ll still go with the McChicken or McNuggets.

Check back next Friday for my review of Taco Bell’s new breakfast menu!

As you sit down to a table full of wings, chips, burgers and dips this SuperBowl Sunday, imagine being able to devour truck loads of these delicious items as a profession. Glamor, prestige & unlimited wet naps could be yours right?

Meet Crazy Legs Conti;  a man with one lofty goal in life. His dream? To one day become the epitome of guilt free gluttony by ruling the world of competitive eating circuits in the Good Old U S of A.

Years ago when the Fox network was starved for ratings (pun intended) and didn’t have twenty nights of American Idol programming, they would slap just about anything on the air. This was a magic time for lowest common denominator programming as “When Animals Attack”, “When Good Pets Go Bad” and “Man VS. Beast” flourished.

One of the last straws to break the good will camels back via this genre onslaught for Fox was the Glutton Bowl. A reality game show sanctioned  by the International Federation of Competitive Eating.  Let’s be honest here; any organization that has a soft serve cone as part of their official crest is too legit to quit.

Each episode was bulging with professional eaters being challenged to down whatever was placed in front of them. Butter. Miracle Whip, Vienna Sausages, Hobos.

Ok, ok I kid; there weren’t any competitions that involved Vienna Sausages.

While the Glutton Bowl only lasted as a two hour marathon of excess one classy night, mostly for concern that a regular series would result in the majority of repeat contestants dying from blocked arteries, the good old Yankee tradition of eating ones self to death carried forward with unwavering enthusiasm.

Crazy Legs’ journey to become a spokesperson for the world of competitive eating is not a pretty one my friends. That being said, it’s hard not to like this amiable scarfer and his die hard,  East meets West philosophy as it applies to the honed craft of consuming mass quantities of food in horrifyingly short amounts of time. He wields the same passion of any other seasoned athlete, who can inhale fourteen dozen oysters in under ten minutes.

You’ll feel little guilt as you cheer Conti on in his quest as he possesses a superhuman kind of freakish Jughead metabolism that keeps him comfortably away from obesity. A trait that the majority of champion human Hoovers seem to be blessed with.

Just to give you a better idea of what kind of sweet cash you can make with such a lucrative career path,  Crazy Legs makes ends meet by washing windows, posing nude for art classes and sharing a 20 square foot apartment with a surly Art student who seems to semi tolerate his non-stop binging practice sessions.

Travel with Conti to every backwoods, blue collar, get stabbed in an alleyway eating event as he crisscrosses the Country looking to build his reputation at regional events. His eye on the prize? First place at the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest. The culmination of the contests of speed and minimal chewing build to an epic showdown between Crazy Legs & his only true competition; 112 pound Champ Takeru Kobayash.

Kobayashi can eat one hotdog every 12 seconds with a patented double break and water soak approach. Once properly drenched in liquid, it’s argued if he actually chews the hot-dog but instead swallows them whole much like a boa constrictor. However a bit faster and with far less grace. In fact, watching a long line of grown, sweaty men stuff themselves silly with wet buns and tube steak is sometimes hard to watch.

Does Crazy Legs stand a chance?

A thoroughly enjoyable documentary that allows you a very unglamorous at times, inside look at the world of competitive eating. Crazy Legs deliciously enthusiastic passion for what he considers a legitimate sport makes for a fascinating view. It’ll leave you craving more.

Hot Dogs? Not so much.

Now, before this year, I had never heard of Firecracker Chicken. Asian food is not part of my regular diet, so I don’t frequent Panda Express. When Eick mentioned they had a coupon on their website to try Firecracker Chicken for free on the first day of Chinese New Year I was skeptical for that reason. That and I don’t generally eat many hot foods. Just the name of it made me cringe. But I figured there was no better way to celebrate the year of the dragon than with a mouthful of fire, so I went to my local Panda to get some free food.

The coupon was for a single serving, which is usually about $2. It seemed like a pretty small box, but it was a decent amount of chicken, especially for free. Firecracker Chicken is described as “tender marinated chicken breast, crisp red and yellow bell peppers and succulent onions … in a zesty firecracker sauce.” It also had a few black beans, and a dried chili pepper.

The verdict: this stuff is good. The chicken is nice and juicy, and is complemented well by the firecracker sauce. Chili powder definitely comes through in the sauce, which has a good amount of heat. The bell peppers and onions made it look nice and colorful but didn’t add much in the way of flavor. I was too much of a wimp to go near the dried pepper. This dish is really all about the chicken. As for the mouthful of fire, it wasn’t as hot as I expected. It’s hot, but it didn’t burn my mouth or lead me to drink an entire glass of water in one gulp. It was more of a tingling tongue than anything.

I recommend you mosey on down to Panda Express today, because as soon as the Chinese New Year celebration is over, so is Firecracker Chicken. That means February 6, by the way. Another option is to make it yourself. It’s a pretty simple recipe, which can be found here.

Gung hay fat choy!

Enter the Beefy Crunch Burrito. This burrito actually does include a new ingredient: Flamin’ Hot Fritos. Not to say I was excited to try it, but at least it’s something different. As shown in the commercial, it’s a beef burrito with rice, nacho cheese, sour cream, and Flamin’ Hot Fritos. For $.99, it seems like a bargain. Was it worth it?

The first thing I noticed was the size of this burrito. I was expecting it to be fairly small since it’s on the value menu, but it was about the same size as their other offerings. As far as overall flavor, not bad. The nacho cheese was the dominant flavor, and the beef played second fiddle. I could have done without the rice, it really didn’t contribute anything to this burrito. It was more filler than anything else.

The Flamin’ Hot Fritos, well, there weren’t many of them. They were crunchy at the ends of the burrito, but very soggy towards the middle. That can be attributed to the sour cream, which did do a nice job of cutting into the heat from the chips. I was a little relieved at the lack of Fritos, because I’m weak and hate hot foods. I like spicy, but I never understood why you would want plain heat. It adds no flavor, and takes away from others.

In all, the Beefy Crunch Burrito is OK. I maybe would’ve preferred beans instead of rice, they at least have some flavor. But in general I’ve read and heard a lot of positive feedback on the Beefy Crunch, so I guess I’m in the minority on this one. It’s definitely worth $.99 if you’re into Flamin’ Hot Fritos, so next time you’re craving Fourthmeal, go get the change from under your car seat and head to the Bell.

Much to my fast food geek delight, I gazed up at the drive thru order board heavens one morning, to be greeted by a deluge of signage heralding the birth of the new Oreos Cookies ‘N’ Cream baked pie. Joy! My giddy excitement turns to nervous apprehension. Would it surpass their S’mores pie from last year and its sweet-tooth imploding sugar overkill?

Only the snack food Gods & my window jockey Dwayne could provide me with the answer.

Since most fast food joints don’t seem to have an issues with serving dessert for breakfast now, as my many a soft serve cone Brunch can attest, obtaining a duo of piping hot pies was a snap.

The Pie crust is mercifully tame in sweetness, much like its cookie world counterpart. I award the most points to the crust, which thankfully possesses some crunchy give to it, again texturally evoking a Oreo cookie wafer. The filling, marshmallow in flavor still hints a slight nod to the Oreo frosting middle but in a smooth, flowing form. Its sweetness, a perfect foil to the exterior pie shell.

The Oreo Cookie’s ‘n’ Cream Pie begs to be partnered with a cold glass of milk. That’s right. You will contemplate buying milk at a McDonald’s. Your mind = blown.

The only negative thing to say is that I was slightly bummed by the tiny size of the pie. It’s certainly smaller in stature than its many predecessors. Of course my resentful disappointment could be directly related to how delicious these tasty treats turned out to be.

Also, be forewarned, you’ll never be able to go back to Oreo Cakesters after this.

It’s the 100th Birthday of the Oreo this year, and this value menu item (I scored 2 for $1.39 at my local Mickey D’s) is a nice roll out as part of the  celebration. Here’s hoping it finds a permanent place on the roster.

As I suspected this is a test market item, which may even be only in Canada as I write this. Have there been any more sightings out there to report? Keep So Good Nation in the loop!

Personally, I’m a Cool Ranch guy. Really I just like ranch and anything with ranch flavoring. But Nacho Cheese is definitely the most popular flavor. It’s my mom’s favorite, and that’s all that matters (Hi Ma!). Over the last few years, I’ve seen a number of different flavors in grocery stores, but none of them sounded very appetizing. Late Night Cheeseburger? No thanks. Hot Wings/Blue Cheese? Meh. In fact I’ve never tried anything besides the two standards (unless you count the unseasoned kind). Until now!

Doritos recently re-released two flavors that I’m not old enough to remember: Salsa Rio and Sour Cream & Onion. When Eick suggested the Sour Cream and Onion variety as a product to review, my first thought was, “Cool, I like Sour Cream and Onion stuff.” My second thought was, “Hey wait, that probably tastes just like the Cool Ranch flavor…”. You know, what with ranch having sour cream and green onion in it. Of course, that would mean I’d like this flavor. So I went to the one place that always has new products: Wal-Mart. And there they were, in their retro packaging, next to another flavor  I had never heard of, Tapatio. So I grabbed a Family Size bag, and headed home to try them.

As I mentioned in last week’s review, the best place to test out a new kind of junk food is on the couch, watching TV. This week, the selection was my go-to murder mystery show, The First 48. It’s way better than procedurals like CSI, because it’s real. After one episode, two homicides, and zero commercials (thank you, DVR), I figured half a bag was enough to make a decision.

The verdict: Doritos Sour Cream & Onion taste a lot like Doritos Cool Ranch. They had a little less seasoning than Cool Ranch, but the flavor was much the same. The flavor doesn’t really pop, but it was adequate. In a blind taste test, I’m not sure I would have guessed Sour Cream & Onion. I don’t know what I would’ve said. Ranch, maybe. There was a hint of onion, definitely some garlic as well, and even a little tomato. A quick check of the ingredient list confirms the presence of all three, in powder form. I also saw that cheddar and romano cheeses are included, which I found interesting.

I can’t say with any confidence that I’ll buy Sour Cream & Onion Doritos again, because I still like Cool Ranch better – but only by a little, and maybe only because I’m more used to the flavor. That said, I do like this new (old?) variety. The package says “Limited Edition,” so that’s exciting, I guess. So if you like Doritos, or Sour Cream and Onion-flavored things, or you just want to try something new, go with Sour Cream and Onion Doritos. They’re kinda good!

Seacrest out.

(Did I just write that? Yes, yes I did.)

Frosted Toast Crunch is described as “frosted vanilla squares” with a “dash of cinnamon.” I headed to Wal-Mart to see if I could track this bad boy down. While strolling down the cereal aisle, I saw some interesting things. For example, since when are there 12 different flavors of Cheerios? Peanut butter? Dulce de Leche? Fruit?! Who knew? Also, Chocolate Frosted Flakes. That sounds like overkill. And diabetes. Anywho, I grabbed me a box of Frosted Toast Crunch and headed home for a taste test.

There’s only one way to try a new variety of junk food: on the couch, watching TV. On this particular night, I watched Modern Family as I dumped cereal in my mouth. Everyone needs to watch that show, it’s amazing. After a number of garbled guffaws, I had had enough. When you have to work to get your hand in the box, it’s time to stop eating. Seriously though, General Mills, bigger boxes. Adults eat this stuff too. So Frosted Toast Crunch passed the couch test. I was able to eat through an entire sitcom.

I wouldn’t say the flavor screams vanilla. If the box hadn’t said it, I wouldn’t have known that’s what they were going for. I would describe it as more of a…pure sugar flavor. The coating is definitely sprinkled on liberally, as with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. As for the alleged “dash of cinnamon,” it must have been a very small dash, because I got no cinnamon flavor. The overall flavor was pretty monotonous. It’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch, sans cinnamon. The cereal square itself has good toasted rice and wheat flavor, and packs a delightful crunch.

My next test was eating this cereal with milk. While reading the comics. It’s the purest form of cereal-eating. I don’t know about you, but I read the funnies from top to bottom, left to right. It’s called OCD. I also skip Doonesbury (maybe when I’m 50 I’ll find it funny), and Mutts (maybe when I’m 50, and my only friends are stray dogs and cats, I’ll find it funny.)

I enjoyed eating Frosted Toast Crunch with milk. It held up ok, retaining some of its crunchiness and most of its flavor. I’m not one to drink the milk at the end (blasphemous, I know), but if I had, I would imagine it basically tastes like really sugary milk. While we’re on this topic, is it just me, or does Cereal Milk make no sense? Why would you pay money for this? I literally just made some myself in 5 minutes. People will overpay for anything that looks cool.

Frosted Toast Crunch is about what you’d expect from a sugary cereal. It’s basically Cinnamon Toast Crunch without the delicious cinnamon flavor. It’s nothing to write home about, but it’s not bad either. If you’re looking for something new to snack on, and you like diabetes and licking your fingers, give it a whirl.

You’re probably not wondering what a Mac Snack Wrap is, because it’s pretty obvious, but in case you are, it’s a Big Mac inside of a tortilla. Well, part of a Big Mac. We all know (hopefully) that the Big Mac itself is

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

The Mac Snack Wrap is basically that, except instead of two all beef patties, it’s one half of a patty, and instead of the famous three-part bun, it’s dumped in an unfortunate flour tortilla. How could a poor tortilla be subjected to such an awful fate? It never hurt anyone.

Anyway, last week McDonald’s was kind enough to send me a Big Mac t-shirt, and some cards for free Mac Snack Wraps. I’ll admit that I was really not looking forward to eating this thing, but if someone sends me free food, I am wont to eat it. Everything tastes better when it’s free. It’s a scientifically proven fact.* (*No it’s not.)

Now, personally, I’ve always liked the Big Mac. It’s not my favorite, but every once in a while I crave that sauce. Sometimes a simple McDouble with Mac Sauce will suffice, others I can’t do without the signature sandwich itself. The only thing I really like about it is the sauce, actually. The meat-to-everything-else ratio is quite low for my tastes, and I’m not a huge fan of their pickles, shredded lettuce, or tiny diced onions. Which is a good portion of the burger…you know, the more I talk about the Big Mac, I realize maybe I don’t like it as much as I thought. I’ve confused myself.

In my neck of the woods, the Big Mac costs $4.19, and the Mac Snack Wrap is $1.89. When you consider that the wrap has one quarter as much beef as the burger, it doesn’t seem like much of a value. That’s always been my problem with wraps in general. You’re never really getting value. I LOVE VALUE. Another thing I don’t get is that people actually think the wrap is healthier than the sandwich. But really it has less calories because it’s so much smaller. (The wrap has 330, compared to 510 in the Big Mac). Pay more to eat better, I guess. One positive that can come from the wrap is that it’s much easier to eat, which I think was the whole purpose of the trend in the first place. The Big Mac, for example can get pretty messy. Definitely not made for eating on the go. The wrap, however, has no mess whatseover. You really don’t even need a napkin. In our million miles-per-hour society, it seems like the perfect solution. Because who really has 5 minutes to eat a burger anymore?

So now that I’ve basically told you I was always going to hate this, I’ll tell you what I actually thought of the Mac Snack Wrap. It was horrible. As you can see in the picture, it looks like everything fell on the floor and was then scooped up and dumped into a tortilla.

It was reminiscent of a failure pile, but much less appetizing. It was cold, and the piece of meat tasted as though it had literally been sitting there all day. Like they cut the patties in half in the morning, and I was the first person to get one all day (I ordered around dinner time). It was dry, cold, and flavorless. As far as the other ingredients, they were just the same as usual. The problem is that the meat-to-other ingredients ratio is now even lower, because they put the same amount of special sauce, lettuce, pickles and onions as there are on the actual burger, but with half a patty. The other problem is that it’s TERRIBLE. Did I mention that? I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t have that same signature flavor of the Big Mac. This may be the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. A couple days later I considered going back and giving it one more shot; maybe this was an aberration. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The experience with the first one was so bad that I cringed at the thought of it.

So McDonald’s, thank you for not making me pay $1.89 to be mentally scarred for the rest of my days, which, if I ate any more of these, would be very limited.

And with all of that said, you probably want to try one for yourself now! Leave a comment on this post to be eligible to win. McDonald’s will send two winners a Big Mac t-shirt (actually kind of cool), and a card for a free Mac Snack Wrap. Suggested topics:

• Thoughts on the Mac Snack Wrap, or wraps in general
• Other uses for the Mac Snack Wrap
• Haiku about the Mac Snack Wrap or other wraps
• Anything else related! Be creative

Here are my haikus:

Dearest McDonald’s,

Mac Snack Wrap is total shit

But I like your fries.

Kim Jong-Il is dead

Because of the Mac Snack Wrap.

‘Merica, f–k yeah!

So when I saw a commercial for new BK fries, I was intrigued. I didn’t hate the old ones, but there were a lot of people who did. I was curious to see what was different about these new potato sticks. They definitely had room to improve.

Upon first glance, you’ll notice the new fries are thicker. They look a lot like the old Wendy’s fries. I wouldn’t say it’s an improvement; I care more about the taste than the dimensions. But in theory they could actually have some potato inside them, whereas the old fries were empty in that department. As far as that crispy exterior, it’s still there, sort of. These fries aren’t as crunchy as the old, but they aren’t limp by any means. The starch coating is still there as well. At least now it’s not as strong. One improvement is that they now have less salt. I thought the old ones had far too much, maybe to mask the lack of good flavor in the fry itself.

But on the inside is where I think they are most improved. They now have a light, fluffy, potato-y interior. Actual potato flavor is what I felt the old fries lacked most, but the new ones kind of taste like a real french fry. Also, the fry holder didn’t have grease spots all over it, so while I’m sure these new fries are no healthier, that at least gives me the illusion that they are!

With all that said, BK’s new fries are an improvement. That may not be saying much, but it’s something. If the old fries were a 6 out of 10, I give the new ones a solid 7.5. They’re good, not great. They taste like a real french fry, instead of a grease bomb.

And if you want to try them today (Dec. 16), they’re giving them away! You can stop by your local BK and grab a value fry for free, no purchase necessary. Sounds like a good deal to me. Free is my favorite price. Or if you’re reading this at a later date, the value size is just a buck. Give them a try!

With that being said, I have somehow never had the Candy Cane Chill Blizzard. It is described as “Peppermint candy pieces and choco chunks blended with creamy vanilla soft serve.” Fans of this frozen delight were up in arms a year ago when it was not brought back for the winter. This year, though, they can rest easy, because the Blizzard of the month for December is: you guessed it, Candy Cane Chill.

I made my way to the local DQ to do a taste test, although I was surely going to love this thing. I chose the Mini size, because I think it’s a perfect little serving. The prices are as follows: Mini – $2.59, Small – $3.09, Medium – $3.49, Large – $3.99. Mini is definitely the worst value, but when it’s below 40 degrees I’m not usually looking to load up on ice cream. Brace-face at the drive-thru window said it was his favorite Blizzard, for what it’s worth.

My first order of business once I was handed my minty masterpiece was to tip it upside down. I’m not sure what it says about the Blizzard that you can do this without making a mess, but I do it every time, because I can.

If I had to use one word to describe the Candy Cane Chill Blizzard, it would have to be a weird word, like scrumdiddlyumptious, because I like weird words. But really, ‘mmmmmm’ would be a more fitting description.

If you’ve ever had the peppermint ice cream with the little red candy bits in it, that’s basically what this is, plus chocolate. This Blizzard is not overly minty, if you’re worried about such things. In fact I thought it could use some extra peppermint flavor. The candy bits were more like candy granules, but I guess that’s a good thing; a candy cane shard Blizzard would be somewhat dangerous. Of course, the chocolate pieces were good too, adding an extra flavor element. The best part was the crunchiness; I can’t explain it, but there’s something I love about crunchy ice cream.

So I guess what I’m saying is, go get one of these NOW, and love it. Last one to DQ’s a rotten egg!