Far be it from me to suggest conspiracy theories, but Yelp can be easily manipulated by stores that crave good reviews.  This isn’t a new concept, but it still makes me question the motivation of most posters.  It’s hard enough to form one’s own opinion on a restaurant’s food, atmosphere and service without secretly wondering if this place has been recommended to you by the restaurant manager posing as Suzie Q.

Ah, and the ranking system.  Any time you go from 1-5, one would expect rankings to reflect the following logic when ranking a restaurant:

1: Terrible service, terrible location, food was almost inedible.
2: Food was actually okay, but rest of experience was lacking
3: Everything was mediocre
4: Decent service, food was great
5: Already thinking about returning

I had a LOT of problems writing number 2. Why aren’t there four stars? Let’s look at some reviews and try and determine the metric for a 2 star rating.

“Yeah.. I know I will get crap for this.. and I know it’s a very unChicago thing to say… but I find corn bread crust yucky. I hate cornbread, so don’t make a pizza out of it…The ingredients were fresh and tasty. I also didn’t think that the “large” pizza warranted the large moniker. It was more like a medium. For more than 2 people, I’d definitely recommend more than 1 pizza.”

Laura does not like corn bread crust, so the establishment immediately loses some stars. But is every pizza made with cornbread crust? Also, why apologize for your opinion when writing an opinion-based review? The ingredients were fresh and tasty, but the pies were too small. I’m not sure I get it. Is a two star review always so muddled and confusing? Based on the content of the review, I would’ve given the place a 3-star rating. But let’s see some other 2-star gems. Dave S. similarly complains about the size of Pizano’s pizzas:

“The were probably the smallest and most overpriced large pizzas that I have ever had. They were not even that good. I paid nearly $90 for four pizzas that were supposed to be large but were more like mediums in the real world. Come on with the toppings guys, these pizzas were very, very bare. I was not really impressed with them at all.”

Uh, woof. Notice his comment about “real world medium pizzas.” What does that even really mean? What is the gold standard size-wise for a large pizza? Are we talking deep-dish or thin crust? This is all getting very confusing. Let’s confuse things even more by adding Dave S.’s reasoning behind his two-star rating:

Crust = very good

Toppings = very skimpy

Quick Delivery = Nope, very slow

Friendly Service = “Leave the attitudes at home, I am paying you good money here”

Price = Not worth it at all

So he hates the price, the service, the delivery time and the toppings. And he only likes the crust of the pizza? This looks like a 1-star rating to me.

Also, I’ll also add that the whole, “I’m paying you GOOD MONEY, so ACT like it,” bit. If you write that in a review, you’re asking to be treated like a jerk.  Yes, you have paid these people to offer you a service, but don’t act like you paid their future kids college education off.  This pizza delivery person is  a human being.  You tip them 15-20% and shut the door in their faces.  What more do you want?

Perhaps Christina S. will be more honest with her ranking?

“I picked Pizano’s because it’s close to the Contemporary Art Museum and had a four-star rating. Yelp, you’ve done me wrong…Our deep-dish pizza was thin, watery, and undercooked, and my fettuccine dish was totally unappetizing. The nail in the coffin was the smoking policy, though. No smoking within 15 feet of the bar. Well, my friends, the bar runs along one side of the dining room and the building itself is no more than 20 feet wide. What a joke.”

Alright, now we’re talking! Food that is awful and looks awful! A watery deep-dish pizza is a blasphemous thing indeed, and a critique of the establishment’s smoking policy which is now rendered moot by Illinois’s smoking ban in restaurants and bars helps lower the bar. The location is lauded as well, making this a solid two-star rating.

Using a small sample size has shown us some small truths about Yelp, namely that you can’t really trust a rating.  People have different levels of taste and shifting palates, and Phil’s 2 star rating could be Janet’s 5 star meal-gasm.

I plan to further delve into my conspiracy theory that half of every restaurant’s positive reviews are written by employees.  If you have any first-hand accounts of any such heinous acts of deception, you can email me at hugedays@gmail.com.

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The small business blog You’re The Boss on the New York Times’ site recently hosted a two-part post featuring 100 restaurant staffer “dos and don’ts” written by the owner of a restaurant about to open.  I agree with many of the items on the list, and recognize that most of them are not followed in nice restaurants, much less middle-of-the road eateries.  The customer is rarely ‘right’ anymore.

A bunch of my favorites:

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

What do you like/dislike from the lists?  Is the author asking too much?

H/t to TV Tango for the art.

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I’ll tell you one thing: THIS guy does.  Regular readers of this blog know I’m not a sweets or dessert guy, never order it, rarely eat it. But the one exception is cheesecake. I absolutely love the stuff.  The Cheesecake Factory, to their credit as a chain restaurant, has pretty good food, and damn good cheesecake.

I first discovered this place while spending a semester in Washington, DC during college. A big group of us went there for Easter dinner because, well, none of us were able to go home, and as college kids, couldn’t exactly afford Easter dinner at a fancy restaurant.  It was that night that I discovered The Cheesecake Factory will serve you portions bigger than your head. I stuffed myself that meal, ate a little bit late night, and still had enough leftovers for lunch the next day.

The Cheesecake Factory has a new promotion called “Share Your Celebration.”  I don’t often write about the campaigns my company is sometimes promoting, but this one has some pretty sweet prizes.  A trip for Four to Florida, gift cards, and maybe coolest of all FREE cheesecake for a year.  To enter, just go to the site and share what you have to celebrate.

I also have a $25 gift card to The Cheesecake Factory to give away to one lucky reader.  To enter to win, please post in the comments what your favorite or most memorable experience with cheesecake is. If you don’t like or are allergic to cheesecake, you can still win the gift card –  just post saying why you don’t like or don’t have a memorable experience with cheesecake.  The Cheesecake Factory has a huge menu, so if you win, you still get free dinner out of it!

The most interesting or intriguing response before July 1st will get the gift card. Unless they aren’t that intriguing, in which case I’ll pick someone from the comments at random.  I will post details for how the winner can contact me on or around July 1st.  Good luck everyone!

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When you enter Z Burger you are confronted with a menu almost identical to Five Guys – fries, single or double burgers, cheese burgers or bacon cheese burgers, plus a list of 20 or so toppings, all at no extra charge.  The differentiation from Five Guys comes in the form of additional menu items – cheesesteaks, onion rings and about 70 different milkshakes, with flavors ranging from Birthday Cake to Peanut Butter & Jelly.

We placed our order and our burger arrived wrapped in tinfoil adorned with the Z Burger logo:

A healthy sized burger for sure, and as I always do, I loaded it up with almost every topping available:

The burger is juicy and tasty, although a little cleaner and less greasy than a Five Guys burger. It lacks the depth of greasy flavor most Five Guys burgers have, but hits about 90% of the flavor notes necessary for a good burger.  On to the sides:

The fries might actually be slightly better than Five Guys. They have a good fresh taste and are complemented perfectly with vinegar.  But after that, we moved on to the real star of the Z Burger show, the onion rings:

Click below to keep reading for more photos and thoughts on Z Burger!

Put simply: these are da bomb.  Lots of breading that is perfectly crispy and manages to stay flavorful without being greasy.  One of the most jonestastic things about eating onion rings is when you bite into one and end up pulling out a huge piece of onion, leaving you with an empty shell of onion-less breading. It sucks, but it’s inevitable, it always happens at least once an order with onion rings. But not with these onion rings my friends. I have now had them three times, and every single time the onion rings break off into perfectly balanced bites.  For some extra flavor, try dipping them in the Z Sauce, which is essentially a hybrid of russian dressing and remoulade sauce.

People, people, we haven’t even gotten to the shakes! I had a strawberry cheesecake which was perfectly solid, but unspectacular. My friend got a rocky road shake:

On my most recent visit to Z burger I got a Peanut Butter & Jelly shake, which I was curious to try. Sure enough, it tastes EXACLTLY like peanut butter & jelly. Unfortunately I realized about 5 sips in that is not a flavor combo I can drink 16 oz’s of without feeling a bit bloated and nauseous.

Overall Z Burger is very solid. Those who say it is better than Five Guys have a pretty good case to make – the burger is of almost equivilant flavor, but less greasy, while the onion rings are outstanding and the shakes get the job done while giving you incredible selection.  There are two locations in DC right now, TenleyTown and Glover Park, but expect Z Burger to keep expanding to Dupont, Chinatown and other neighborhoods.

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Photo via the Applebee’s website (hence why it looks kind of fresh, and good).

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Far be it for me to complain about a free meal, but there is something about a Steakhouse chain restaurant that I don’t trust.  A burger joint?  Sure.  Ice cream?  Count me in.  But Australian steaks, when the only thing that seems to make the place Australian are the embarrassing Crocodile Dundee-sound-alike commercials?  Before I get ahead of myself…

The Gift Card: One would think a 25 dollar gift card would go far, especially in a chain restaurant.  Not in the world of Outback Steakhouse.  It barely covered my part of the meal.  My poor wife-to-be was forced to cover her own end.  That’s what she gets for marrying a blogger.

The Ambience: Dim red lighting, with a little bulb hanging over each table.  A play-off hockey game (yawn) played in the background.  Most of the waiters wore red-and-white striped uniforms with…flare.  The Office Space reference is sad and easy.  But there, I wrote it anyways.

Prices: It’s all kind of expensive.  All of it.  I know it’s a steak house, but let’s be honest.  This is a chain restaurant.  You don’t go to a chain restaurant to murder your wallet.  In my tiny mind, a chain restaurant should offer decent food at an affordable price.  Make sure you’re ready to spend 40-50 dollars if you want to take your loved one to Outback Steakhouse.

The food: We decided to take chances, and now look back and regret that NEITHER of us ordered steak.  Rats.  I order the Ribs and Alice Spring Chicken.  The ribs are fine, but alas, the chicken is suffocating.  A dense, claustrophobic eating experience, it is covered with mushrooms, bacon, cheese and a honey mustard sauce.  Oh yeah, there are Australian fries too.  Good lord.  I eat the ribs and fries first, and then go for the chicken.  What makes it an “Alice Spring Chicken” is beyond me, and not by choice.  They might have put a shoe underneath the toppings and I wouldn’t have been able to tell.  It’s as if Cholestoral has manifested in front of me in the form of a high school bully, who instinctively punches me in the heart and stomach.  The fries are great by the way, especially dipped in the honey mustard sauce.

My poor date orders the filet tenderloin.  Look up filet tenderloin on wikipedia.  Nope.  Nothing there, because it seems to only exist on the menu at Outback Steakhouse.  It is a bastardized version of a beef tenderloin, and it is was interesting to say the least.  My date received a pink piece of meat in a pool of diluted blood.  And that blood?  Soaked up into her garlic mashed potatoes.  I tried a bite.  It tasted like it was once a steak, until someone chewed it up piece by piece.  They then spit all the pieces into a bucket and re-formed the pieces into the shape of a steak, cooked it for a while and served it.  My date likened the experience to eating a damp gym sock that melts in your mouth.  But the potatoes were great!

(picture via Outback.com)

Service: Was great, no hovering,

Overall Outback Steakhouse Fun Rating: 4 out of 10.  Wasn’t awful, wasn’t great.  I didn’t get the feeling this was a family joint (as it is often advertised), as there were more older gentlemen nursing giant containers of Foster’s than family units enjoying Australian delicacies.  Another irksome quality was brought to the fore during our visit: What about this restaurant chain makes it Australian?  Is it the Australian Fries, which are french fries with salt and pepper?  Perhaps the restaurant exists as a cultural high-five, where Americans and Australians look at each other and say, “We have the same eating habits-HEY!  We’re NOT THAT DIFFERENT!” and everyone rejoices while men and women drink giant cans of beer and children devour Flinstone’s-style racks of ribs while Men at Work, Russell Crowe, and Silverchair play “Give Peace a Chance” with Bruce Springsteen, Billy Bob Thorton and Stone Temple Pilots.  Either way the food wasn’t up to snuff that night.  Perhaps next time I’ll order steak.

Speaking of which, will I ever go back to Outback Steakhouse?  Maybe in a year, if you gave me a 70 dollar gift card.

PS – If any of our readers actually LIKE filet tenderloin, please tell me why and where you ate it.  I just need to know why this happened to us.

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“In tough economic times, more people than ever are turning to fast food options as a way to stretch their paycheck.  Playboy.com has taken note of this trend with its own ‘video salute’ to lunchtime. The site’s editors recognized that Quiznos seems to have a good sense of humor about their brand, and didn’t hesitate in selecting them as one of the best bargains out there.”

When pressed with specific questions about if Quiznos had knowledge of the video’s release or gave tacit approval of the video, Playboy did not directly address my question, but simply replied with this statement:

“Playboy.com is responsible for the video and put it together as its ’salute to lunchtime’.”

Does the mystery continue?

Update: Confusion is swirling online as to whether or not Quiznos had any involvement in making this video.  We knew all along that it was produced by Playboy, but the assumption from most seemed to be that the prominent featuring of a Quiznos sub made clear Quiznos was part of it. AdAge reports that they have spoken with Quiznos, and the company has denied any involvement in the ad. However, many bloggers seem skeptical.

Jezebel:

“It seems unlikely that Playboy independently produced a viral video advertising their sandwiches.”

The Denver Egotist:

“We’re calling bullshit, especially after watching that creepy sex-addled talking oven spot they’ve been running.”

Adrants:

“We can’t help but wonder just how many people over at Quiznos are loving (even hoping) this thing gets as much exposure as it’s getting. We still think there’s some shenanigans going on here.”

Cafe Society:

“We say bullshit. We’ve seen those creepy mutant hamster commercials and “Put it in me” talking-oven spots, so we know for a fact that the folks at Quiznos are sick enough to make this ad happen.”

Original Post:

Oh. My. God. I cannot believe that Quiznos made this ad.  First off, for those of you unfamiliar, this ad title/concept is based off the popular viral internet video “2 girls, 1 cup.” If you haven’t seen the video before, don’t bother looking it up. I can’t even begin to describe it to you in any level of detail without losing half my readers, but lets just say that it involves 2 women, eating, a cup, human excrement, and vomit. Enough. I don’t even want to say more.

Well some marketing genius over at Quiznos decided that a phrase (2 girls, 1 cup) that most users of the internet associate with one of the most disgusting, revolting and abhorrent things they have ever seen in their lives, should also be associated with the Quiznos brand name! Yay! Think Quiznos! Think human feces and vomit!

The execution of the ad is no less appalling than the fact that some moron even thought up this idea in the first place.  Two months ago, we asked in good fun if the new Padma Lakshmi Hardee’s commercial was “Soft Core Porn.” Ha! We were just joshing you. Compared to that ad, this one is like Deep Throat 7 – Tonsil’s Revenge. We also wondered if the Stacker 2 “6 hour power” ad was the most sexually explicit ad ever. Ha! That ad might as well have featured bunny rabbits and snowflakes compared to this one.

A YouTube video of the commercial is below the fold. I will tell you that while there is no nudity, this ad is about as NSFW as it can possibly be short of nudity or actual sexual intercourse – pay attention to those headphones people, there is plenty of sound! Be sure to keep reading on for my full thoughts on why this is such a horrendously awful ad.

So we have a few problems here. For starters, readers of this blog know that I think Quiznos sandwiches taste disgusting. I was already associating them with excrement and vomit. Now Quiznos has basically taken the next step and formalized my suspicions: even people in their marketing department can see the link between the taste of human excrement and vomit and the taste of their sandwiches! Otherwise, how would they have thought up this ad?

The next issue, of course, is that the two models, 21 year old Kari Nautique, and Playboy playmate Hiromi Oshima, are making noises, and writhing around, as if they are mid-orgasm while eating the sandwich. Not to mention deliberately allowing the “mayo” to become smeared all over their faces from their messy eating. I don’t even think we need to broach the subject of the phallic shape of Quizno’s sandwiches.  Oh yeah, and of course, they are sitting on a bench wearing bikinis while eating the sandwich, because why wouldn’t they be?

Now as a 28 year-old male, I’m not complaining about a hot 21 year-old in a bikini. Besides, sex sells. I get it, and I don’t have a problem with that. But who is the target market for this ad? Obviously not women. Probably not old people.   I’m guessing 18 – 34 year old males is the exact target demographic they are going for.  Well, I fall into that demographic.  When I’m watching an ad that is trying to sell me something using sex, I should either be turned on by it or excited by the idea of watching it. Watching this ad, I felt neither of those things. I felt gross, icky and uncomfortable just watching it from the privacy of my own desk and computer screen.  That’s me, a 28 year-old male. Imagine how offended/uncomfortable a woman of any age or a parent might be when they see this? Oh, and I never even mentioned the fact that Quiznos made this ad in collaboration with Playboy.

Now I could make some bold proclaimation like “I will never eat at Quizno’s again!” but that would be meaningless, because I never eat at Quizno’s anyways, because their food is horrid.  But if you are a parent, and you ever take your kid to Quizno’s, stop doing so immediately. Seriously. I’m not into drawing lines for how far advertising should go, but this ad makes anti-line-drawers suddenly realize that yep, now that I’ve seen this, I know the definition of crossing the line, and this is it.

So just to re-cap the stupidity of Quizno’s on this:

• Name our ad after the most disgusting viral video ever? Check.
• Offend anyone over the age of 35 and probably almost any female? Check.
• Make even your target demo of 18-34 year old males feel uncomfortable? Check.

and finally……

• Associate your food with BOTH human excrement AND vomit? CHECK.

Well, you did it Quiznos. You made possibly the most appaling, offensive commercial possible. Now thousands, if not millions, of people who weren’t already doing so will begin to associate your food with vomit and shit. Reapeat after me: Quiznos = vomit & shit, vomit & shit, vomit & shit. Well done Quiznos marketing department, well done.

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There are 5 types of pasta available:

• Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese – A blend of two cheddars and mozzarella tossed with penne pasta and baked.
• Italian Sausage Marinara – Penne pasta tossed with  Italian sausage smothered in marinara sauce and topped with provolone cheese.
• Chicken Alfredo – Cuts of  all white meat chicken and penne pasta baked with creamy Alfredo sauce.
• Chicken Carbonara – Cuts of all white meat chicken, bacon, onions and mushrooms mixed with penne pasta and baked with creamy Alfredo sauce.
• Pasta Primavera – Baby spinach, diced tomatoes, mushrooms and onions mixed with penne pasta and baked with creamy Alfredo sauce.

WalletPop is reporting that tomorrow, April 29th, you can get a free bread bowl pasta lunch between 11 am and 2 pm at all participating Domino’s stores.

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Big kudos go out to Capital Spice, who correctly guessed in January that Folkman was slated to be a competitor in the upcoming Next Food Network Star season.

Folkman has already achieved a small degree of fame on The Food Network, after he was challenged to a Mussels competition last summer for Throwdown with Bobby Flay.   Washingtonian interviewed Folkman about the competition and how he used his moules fromage bleu to defeat Flay. (Also check out video of Folkman walking you through his winning recipe).

The other 9  finalists include: Brett August (Washington Heights, N.Y.), Katie Cavuto (Philadelphia, Pa.), Melissa d’Arabian (Keller, Texas),  Eddie Gilbert (Manhattan Beach, Calif.), Jen Isham (Orlando, Fla.), Debbie Lee (West Hollywood, Calif.), Jamika Pessoa (Atlanta, Ga.), Michael Proietti (New York, N.Y.) and Jeffrey Saad (Los Angeles, Calif.).

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For those of you hankering for a couple flapjacks plus eggs, bacon and sausage, go into Denny’s today from 6am to 2pm for a free Grand Slam breakfast.  If you are willing to face the lines, it is probably worth a shot.

Here is the terrible Super Bowl commercial where Denny’s let the cat out of the bag:

It will be interesting to see if this marketing strategy will work.  I have read reports about Denny’s losing lots of regular customers because of the economy, and they are trying to bring them back.  I am kind of surprised that Denny’s has been feeling the pinch – I know McDonald’s profits have been soaring because of the price point of their food, and I assumed Denny’s might see similar results.  I hope it does, as I have many fond late night memories of this place.

FYI: Calorie count on the GS breakfast here.
H/t to Bransontips for the pic.

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As the great Sir Isaac Newton once said:

This most beautiful system [The Universe] could only proceed from the dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.  Also, there is nothing better on this Earth than topping meat with an entirely different kind of meat.

Meat is wonderful for many reasons (mainly in that bacon is meat), so during his visit to Chicago, Eick and I spent most of the day in a general non-sober stupor talking about meat.  He also pitched me several would-you-rathers (as Eick is wont to do), and I took him to my favorite grease factory, otherwise known as “Chuck Wagon.”

A lot people refer to this institution as a heart-attack factory, but I prefer Palace of Angioplasty.  Besides offering the usual in terms of Chicago-style hotdogs and burgers, this place offers two amazingly brilliant combinations:

Waitress Special – Grilled cheese with gyro meat, sautéed onions, tomatoes and tsiki sauce

Insanely good.  Outrageously gratifying.  But with Eick, I wanted to take it one step further.  Witness the profound:

Niki Special – Cheeseburger topped with gyro meat, tomatoes, sautéed onions, and mustard

While the picture may terrify you, this burger is absurdly good.  The thin burger patty and gyro meat create a fantastic flavor, and dunking it tsiki sauce makes it seem like you’re eating a giant meat-filled Dunkaroo.  If no one told you what you were eating, you wouldn’t hesitate to annihilate this grand creation.  The fries are brilliant, and the soda is served in giant Styrofoam cups.

Located in Wilmette IL, in the northern suburbs of Chicago, The Chuck Wagon has been a popular spot since 1974, and if you’re in the area, check it out.  It’s hidden next to Wilmette’s movie theatre but is worth the detective work.

Hopefully, Eick will be able to tell you of his own artery-engorging experience.  From the horse’s mouth:

I needed to use napkins to wipe the grease off my napkins.  This shit was amazing. Gyro meat on top of a burger? Really? Really? Yes really. It was delicious.

If anything, this comment left on Yelp should sum up the transcendent eating experience one can acquire at the counter of the Chuck Wagon.

I ordered the ‘Waitress Special’ which was very good.  I think it was a pile of gyros meat covered with cheese and french fries, but honestly it’s just a big saturated blur.

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Swiss restaurant to serve meals cooked with human breast milk

Yikes. Actually, double yikes. This is so offensive to me on so many levels, that I need to take a breath. (…Exhale)

The restaurant owner’s rationale behind this decision:

We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?

Apparently it took a little longer for this fellow to be weaned off the teat, so to speak, because most people that were breastfed only did so in the first two years of life. Being raised on human milk is another issue entirely – and quite a disturbing one.

All I now know is that is gives new meaning to the following…

Story c/o Drudge Report via Telegraph

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Earlier this year Starbucks tried to compete for the smoothie lovers of the world by launching the Vivanno, which in my opinion was less than stellar. I am not a smoothie lover, but I am pretty sure that a bland fruity sensation with an aftertaste of protein powder was not the desired effect. I see people ordering these all the time, so they must be somewhat popular, but honestly Starbucks is a coffee joint! They should just leave the bananas and juicing to the Jamba Juices of the world.

This week Starbucks decided to branch out just a little bit further – Healthy Breakfast! When I read about this I was actually really excited. Visions of individual yogurt cups, healthy cereal with skim milk and whole fruit danced in my head. Then I saw what Starbucks had in mind and I quickly abandoned all dreams of satisfaction. Ok, I’m totally over-exagerating, it’s not that bad. It’s just not that good either. Lets take the new items one by one:

1. Perfect Oatmeal with your choice of mixed nuts, brown sugar or dried fruit

First off, I want to know what it is that makes this oatmeal so perfect. It’s bad enough that we live in a world where nothing ever seems good enough – do you really need perfectionistic oameal? That being said, I like this oatmeal, it’s hot, thick and I like the idea of the various add in options (brown sugar’s my pick). But if I’m grabbing breakfast at Starbucks, I am most probably on the go and thus oatmeal is not an ideal option.

2. Power Protein Plate (includes apple slices, a couple of grapes, a hard boiled egg, a small amount of cheese and peanut butter)

I applaud the effort on this one, I really do, but it never really comes together. It would have been better had Starbucks offered the components of this pack seperately. I would have loved the option of being able to buy individual hard boiled eggs, apple slices or a mini bagel, but altogether it just doesn’t seem to fit. I mean technically I suppose this is the complete breakfast I always hear about in cereal comercials, but it just looks so unappetizing all smooshed into a plastic box underneath the harsh lights of the Starbucks display.

3. Chewy Fruit and Nut Bar

Umm this is basically just an overpriced granola bar. Not to mention it’s pretty small for its 250 calorie price tag. If I were you I would walk over to the nearest deli buy the granola bar of your choice and bring it back to Starbucks to enjoy with your coffee – cause this thing just isn’t worth it.

4. Multi Grain Roll with your choice of almond butter or fruit preserves

I don’t know about you but I normally don’t eat a roll for breakfast. A roll is more of a pre dinner food, no? As far as taste goes this isn’t bad, but I mean it’s hard to mess up a roll so… I don’t know this just confuses me because it suggests that Starbucks doesn’t understand the meaning of breakfast. I also love how they are trying to be all fancy by serving it with almond butter… are they too good for regular butter? This is fine as far as taste goes, but then again it’s just bread.

All in all I am disapointed. The new options had potential but none of them really hit the mark. However, I will not stop frequenting my local Starbucks. I will still show up daily for my coffee and a smile, and hope that someday soon Starbucks can find a way to make peace with who it is (a very good coffee shop) and stop trying to be someone its not (breakfast nook, juicebar, food purveyor of all sorts.)

**Apparently there are more items on the new breakfast menu, however they have not yet shown up in my local Starbucks, and thus were not available for review. I also chose not to include the Berry Stella as that one has been around for a while now and does not meet my qualifications for new.

via USA Today

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While there were major/minor celebrities hanging about, my obvious concern was the chow. As there was no money exchanged in this establishment, I was not shy about ordering more than one entree – yes, I have a man-sized appetite. The highlights? I really dug the mac and cheese, with a crunchy top but oh-so-cheesy inside. That dish was also served with a pig in a blanket – think fancy sausage wrapped in aflaky dough cocoon – Yummm. Check out the dinner menu:

(c/o vermontgmg @ Flickr)

And crazy as it might seem, they also had their own CNN brew:

(c/o TV Newser)

Ahhh… Denver, I will miss you… and your quality cable news food.

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Personally, I’m really looking forward to it. Why? Well, because I love Spike and his inane collection of hats and take-no-prisoners approach to trying to win Top Chef. Plus, Good Stuff? That’s a good name. Simple, to the point, just like So Good. Hook me up with a tour or a free burger Spike!

But the big news of the day is not that the restaurant is going to open on July 7th, but that when I checked in on the website today, I noticed that the menu has been posted!

First thing I’m going to try? The D-Lecheable Leche Shake, the Blazin’ Barn Burger (pickled daikon & carrots, mint, cilantro, thai basil, lettuce, spicy mayo) and Spike’s Village Fries (topped with fresh thyme, rosemary and cracked pepper). Everything looks pretty yummy. Click below to see screenshots of the menu.

If you are having trouble viewing these images, either click on the image for a slightly larger and clearer view, or you can view a PDF of the menu on the Good Stuff website.

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