Miss Michigan, Nicole Blaszczyk, perhaps with consideration for the ailing Michigan economy, decided to highlight a particular Michigan based company: Kellogg’s cereal.  While I can’t find the transcript online, and the video clips of the introduction portion on YouTube are mysteriously missing Miss Michigan, to paraphrase she came out and essentially said:

“From the birthplace of breakfast cereal and home of Kellogg’s, did you eat your Wheaties this morning?”

Cute right? And a nice shout-out for Kellogg’s. There’s just one problem: Kellogg’s doesn’t make Wheaties. It’s biggest competitor, General Mills does (which is based in Minnesota). Wheaties is also considered to be huge direct competition for one of Kellogg’s flagship cereals, Corn Flakes.  Whoops!

Seems like an innocent mistake, but she probably had weeks to work on that intro.  Wouldn’t it have made sense to make sure you were actually citing a Kellogg’s brand cereal in the intro?

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Five Dollar Buck. Let me say that again in case you didn’t realize how stupid it sounded the first time:  Five Dollar Buck.

Not only is it asinine and repetitive, it just flat out doesn’t make sense.  Nice work Taco Bell.  Apparently only the best and the brightest make the cut for jobs in Taco Bell’s product naming and copy writing department.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Thanks to @agencyspy.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Via Jezebel.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Remember how much people loved the re-imagining of fast food mascots as mafia characters? Well this is even better. Watch as Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald, the Jack in the Box Mascot and the BK King party their faces off and paint the town red – drugs, booze and strippers most definitely included.  Oh, and keep an eye out for a special cameo by comedian Nick Swardson as – well, I won’t spoil the surprise for you. Check it out:

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Via Next Round and Jock and Balls.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

(Disclosure: As I’ve mentioned before, I do social media consulting for Domino’s, but this clip is too amusing for me not to post!)

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

So how terrible would this be: you’ve been taken prisoner in North Korea. You don’t know when you’re coming home – you could rot in jail for the rest of your life.  You finally get released, and here is the photo that the national/international news media uses (from CNN frontpage):

Hahahahahaha. Look, I know this woman just went through the extremely unpleasant/horrible ordeal of being held hostage by a vicious dictatorship that is part of the “Axis of Evil”, but there is something hilariously comical about CNN using a photo of the woman holding a giant sub/hero/hoagie/grinder. I mean, seriously, was that the ONLY photo they could find of her? You would think CNN would have tracked down a normal, respectable photo. You would think that would have been something they would have done a few months ago, like, I dunno, how about RIGHT AFTER SHE WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE???

Doesn’t this woman have a Facebook page? Vacation photos? A family they could have contacted for a better picture? A headshot from her employer’s website? Then again, maybe I don’t know the full details here. Maybe they did contact the family, and this is the photo they supplied to CNN. Heck, maybe CNN even said “uh, are you sure you want to use a photo with that giant sandwich in it?” to which they probably responded, “she LOOOOVES sub sandwiches. When she is released, nothing will make her happier than to know that the photo of her that appeared on the news showed her with a giant sandwich.”

Kind of makes me afraid that if I ever die, get lost in the mountains for days, or am taken hostage, the newspapers will randomly settle on this as a stock photo:

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

H/T to Endless Simmer.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

“In tough economic times, more people than ever are turning to fast food options as a way to stretch their paycheck.  Playboy.com has taken note of this trend with its own ‘video salute’ to lunchtime. The site’s editors recognized that Quiznos seems to have a good sense of humor about their brand, and didn’t hesitate in selecting them as one of the best bargains out there.”

When pressed with specific questions about if Quiznos had knowledge of the video’s release or gave tacit approval of the video, Playboy did not directly address my question, but simply replied with this statement:

“Playboy.com is responsible for the video and put it together as its ’salute to lunchtime’.”

Does the mystery continue?

Update: Confusion is swirling online as to whether or not Quiznos had any involvement in making this video.  We knew all along that it was produced by Playboy, but the assumption from most seemed to be that the prominent featuring of a Quiznos sub made clear Quiznos was part of it. AdAge reports that they have spoken with Quiznos, and the company has denied any involvement in the ad. However, many bloggers seem skeptical.

Jezebel:

“It seems unlikely that Playboy independently produced a viral video advertising their sandwiches.”

The Denver Egotist:

“We’re calling bullshit, especially after watching that creepy sex-addled talking oven spot they’ve been running.”

Adrants:

“We can’t help but wonder just how many people over at Quiznos are loving (even hoping) this thing gets as much exposure as it’s getting. We still think there’s some shenanigans going on here.”

Cafe Society:

“We say bullshit. We’ve seen those creepy mutant hamster commercials and “Put it in me” talking-oven spots, so we know for a fact that the folks at Quiznos are sick enough to make this ad happen.”

Original Post:

Oh. My. God. I cannot believe that Quiznos made this ad.  First off, for those of you unfamiliar, this ad title/concept is based off the popular viral internet video “2 girls, 1 cup.” If you haven’t seen the video before, don’t bother looking it up. I can’t even begin to describe it to you in any level of detail without losing half my readers, but lets just say that it involves 2 women, eating, a cup, human excrement, and vomit. Enough. I don’t even want to say more.

Well some marketing genius over at Quiznos decided that a phrase (2 girls, 1 cup) that most users of the internet associate with one of the most disgusting, revolting and abhorrent things they have ever seen in their lives, should also be associated with the Quiznos brand name! Yay! Think Quiznos! Think human feces and vomit!

The execution of the ad is no less appalling than the fact that some moron even thought up this idea in the first place.  Two months ago, we asked in good fun if the new Padma Lakshmi Hardee’s commercial was “Soft Core Porn.” Ha! We were just joshing you. Compared to that ad, this one is like Deep Throat 7 – Tonsil’s Revenge. We also wondered if the Stacker 2 “6 hour power” ad was the most sexually explicit ad ever. Ha! That ad might as well have featured bunny rabbits and snowflakes compared to this one.

A YouTube video of the commercial is below the fold. I will tell you that while there is no nudity, this ad is about as NSFW as it can possibly be short of nudity or actual sexual intercourse – pay attention to those headphones people, there is plenty of sound! Be sure to keep reading on for my full thoughts on why this is such a horrendously awful ad.

So we have a few problems here. For starters, readers of this blog know that I think Quiznos sandwiches taste disgusting. I was already associating them with excrement and vomit. Now Quiznos has basically taken the next step and formalized my suspicions: even people in their marketing department can see the link between the taste of human excrement and vomit and the taste of their sandwiches! Otherwise, how would they have thought up this ad?

The next issue, of course, is that the two models, 21 year old Kari Nautique, and Playboy playmate Hiromi Oshima, are making noises, and writhing around, as if they are mid-orgasm while eating the sandwich. Not to mention deliberately allowing the “mayo” to become smeared all over their faces from their messy eating. I don’t even think we need to broach the subject of the phallic shape of Quizno’s sandwiches.  Oh yeah, and of course, they are sitting on a bench wearing bikinis while eating the sandwich, because why wouldn’t they be?

Now as a 28 year-old male, I’m not complaining about a hot 21 year-old in a bikini. Besides, sex sells. I get it, and I don’t have a problem with that. But who is the target market for this ad? Obviously not women. Probably not old people.   I’m guessing 18 – 34 year old males is the exact target demographic they are going for.  Well, I fall into that demographic.  When I’m watching an ad that is trying to sell me something using sex, I should either be turned on by it or excited by the idea of watching it. Watching this ad, I felt neither of those things. I felt gross, icky and uncomfortable just watching it from the privacy of my own desk and computer screen.  That’s me, a 28 year-old male. Imagine how offended/uncomfortable a woman of any age or a parent might be when they see this? Oh, and I never even mentioned the fact that Quiznos made this ad in collaboration with Playboy.

Now I could make some bold proclaimation like “I will never eat at Quizno’s again!” but that would be meaningless, because I never eat at Quizno’s anyways, because their food is horrid.  But if you are a parent, and you ever take your kid to Quizno’s, stop doing so immediately. Seriously. I’m not into drawing lines for how far advertising should go, but this ad makes anti-line-drawers suddenly realize that yep, now that I’ve seen this, I know the definition of crossing the line, and this is it.

So just to re-cap the stupidity of Quizno’s on this:

• Name our ad after the most disgusting viral video ever? Check.
• Offend anyone over the age of 35 and probably almost any female? Check.
• Make even your target demo of 18-34 year old males feel uncomfortable? Check.

and finally……

• Associate your food with BOTH human excrement AND vomit? CHECK.

Well, you did it Quiznos. You made possibly the most appaling, offensive commercial possible. Now thousands, if not millions, of people who weren’t already doing so will begin to associate your food with vomit and shit. Reapeat after me: Quiznos = vomit & shit, vomit & shit, vomit & shit. Well done Quiznos marketing department, well done.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

The first episode does contain a food related prank – splitting Carlie Smith’s hot pocket in half while it’s in the microwave so that one half comes out hot and the other cold. Check out the first episode below:

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

H/T Bacon Unwrapped.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites