Meetings make me tired. There’s something about a vanilla Power Point presentation set against dimmed office lighting that instantly propels me into free danish assisted hibernation. Maybe it’s an evolutionary defense mechanism 9-5er’s have bred to avoid being subjected to monotony.  If I haven’t managed to down three cups of Sanka before one of these [...]

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As you sit down to a table full of wings, chips, burgers and dips this SuperBowl Sunday, imagine being able to devour truck loads of these delicious items as a profession. Glamor, prestige & unlimited wet naps could be yours right? Meet Crazy Legs Conti;  a man with one lofty goal in life. His dream? [...]

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In the good old days, traveling or “Snake Oil” salesmen would slither into remote towns like Walnut Grove or Deadwood and bring with them a treasure trove of exotic medicines, magical elixirs & guaranteed cures for whatever was ailing you. Granted, 99% of time it was just booze used as a placebo effect, but every [...]

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Some people are awarded television shows to document their delicious travels and culinary journeys to exotic locales or highly regaled dining establishments much to the glee of Foodies and salivating everyday Joe’s alike.  Who wouldn’t sell their soul to the Devil for a chance to switch places with gastronomic globetrotters Andrew Zimmerman or Anthony Bourdain? [...]

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You can’t truly fathom the bitter disappointment a Father must feel each Christmas as he unwraps sock after sock. That is until it happens to you. Maybe it doesn’t take form in a pile of argyle fail but there’s certainly always something under the tree from a relative or friend who shopped at “I Don’t [...]

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After last week’s 12 Days of Christmas Dinner, I had plenty of people contact me, wondering how I function on a day to day basis as I am clearly insane. (Some say madness and brilliance teeter precariously on a thin line. A thin line I have named George.) They also asked for me to offer [...]

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Other than a few bouts of poisoning and the occasional hardening of an artery here or there, food hasn’t done wrong by me. Sure there have been a few bumps in our relationship over the years. But for every steak cooked to death at the hands of an inept line cook or an under seasoned [...]

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To some, the beloved Holiday tradition of taking time each day to open one window on a shoddily crafted cardboard house, only to be rewarded with a paltry subpar piece of waxy chocolate that would enrage even the most lax Willy Wonka quality control Oompa foreman could seem a tad odd. Advent Calendars may seem [...]

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Much like taking their kids to be terrorized by an inebriated Mall Santa or putting up a kajillion lights while spewing profanity that would make a Merchant Seaman blush, some don’t consider it the Holiday season until they’ve had a delicious glass of their beloved eggnog. What’s the allure of a drink that smells like [...]

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Whether they be stacked or stripped, Malls have made many notable contributions to the lives of maxed out, credit card carrying North Americans. Malls are where the art of loitering is refined, questionable Santas are given jobs, Flash Mobs prey upon the weak & minimum wage serfs make up the now legendary 99%. Without these [...]

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