Let me get this out of the way right up front. It’s sad that Paula Deen has diabetes, and I’m not trying to mock the very real emotional and physical issues she is dealing with. Diabetes being as prevalent as it is, is one of the reasons I am passionate about cooking and eating better. The culture that has developed around diabetes is very scary and very real.

To quote Michael Pollan:

According to the surgeon general, obesity today is officially an epidemic; it is arguably the most pressing public health problem we face, costing the health care system an estimated $90 billion a year. Three of every five Americans are overweight; one of every five is obese. The disease formerly known as adult-onset diabetes has had to be renamed Type II diabetes since it now occurs so frequently in children. A recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Associationpredicts that a child born in 2000 has a one-in-three chance of developing diabetes. (An African American child’s chances are two in five.) Because of diabetes and all the other health problems that accompany obesity, today’s children may turn out to be the first generation of Americans whose life expectancy will actually be shorter than that of their parents. The problem is not limited to America: The United Nations reported that in 2000 the number of people suffering from overnutrition–a billion–had officially surpassed the number suffering from malnutrition–800 million.

Right, serious bits out of the way lets get to the funny bits.

By now everyone has certainly heard some joke about Paula Deen and her diabetes diagnoses (and subsequent deal to sell diabetes drugs), her approach to food is one that makes you think diabetes and a heart attack would be lurking around the corner, waiting to hit her like a frozen ham.

So I thought I would look at  some other celebrity chefs to see if I  can find a disease that might fit their own particular idiom.

Ah Guy Fieri, a person I like to mock so much that I decided to be him for Halloween. Sadly I was incapable of being enough of a giant twit to dissuade people from thinking I was honoring him rather than mocking him. It haunts me still that there are people who think I was “that Minute to Win it Guy,” and meant it in a good way. I don’t know that the man has enough of a cooking style to really find an affliction to match, so I will focus on his personality.  If diarrhea of the mouth were a real thing that would be perfect, but alas, no such luck. All of that hair dye must do something to him right? Perhaps brain parasites? No no I have it. Lockjaw. What could possibly be better for the man who has a whole show seemingly dedicated to cramming the largest possible bite of food into his gaping maw.

 Now that we have Guy all nice and quiet lets move on to everyone’s favorite multi media darling Rachael Ray. Full disclosure, once upon a time I watched 30 minute meals, in the early days of Food Network it was a pretty solid instructional food show. Sadly as she has become a larger and larger presence, that quality has gone by the wayside. Instead of the possibility of  meal I might be happy to serve to my family and friends I am now inundated with and endless string of cute catchphrases and Rachael Ray branded product placement. It is the catch phrases that lead me to the disorder most befitting the queen of the choup. That’s right, you guessed it, Tourettes syndrome. Imagine if you will, Rachael endlessly spitting back her own catchphrases, choup, yum-o, EVOO, delish.  ”Hi Rachael how was your day today?”  Yum-O

I must give her some credit though. She at least knows she has become a parody of herself.

How about  food curmudgeon, Anthony Bourdain? I love Bourdain, he makes me want to eat  and prepare better food. Which is the job of a  food show host in my book. He does, however, rub a lot of people the wrong way, and if you are a fan of Rachael or Guy or Paula, you likely think he is a miserable ass.

Lung cancer would be the easy choice for, Bourdain. Though he has quit smoking he certainly smoked long enough that his lungs have a long way to go to return to happy shade of pink. I think something a bit more exotic is in order for Tony, something like Kuru, though that may be better left to Andrew Zimmern.

 Some rapid fire options:

• Sandra Lee, listeria from a dented can
• Tom Colicchio, aneurysm from dressing down a top chef loser.
• Mario Batali, head trauma after a slip and fall due to worn out Crocs.
• Bobby Flay, beaten like, well you know

The list is endless really, so many food related personalities have characteristics that simultaneously endear them to some and annoy the beejesus out of others.

Elvis and food are often tied together, whether it is his choice in sandwiches or the rumors of his meat packed colon, when you think of Elvis, you think of food. And maybe music.

Al Roker, sure, the former fat man, now odd looking bobblehead has a long relationship with food so his grinning face on a  cookbook is natural thing.

And of course Jimmy ”Sausage King” Dean is a natural to have a cookbook. Some Jimmy dean products have almost certainly made their way into your house so why not a cookbook that teaches you how best to take advantage of his porky pleasure.

However, for every well thought out food/celebrity tie in there are 5 complete headscratchers.  Why don’t we start with , If it makes you healthy, seasonal recipes with none other than Sheryl Crow. When I think Sheryl Crow I think of a good beer buzz early in the morning, not seasonally fresh ingredients.

How about Patti Labelle?

This one jumped out at me in my searches as an oddball. Outside of Lady Marmalade I don’t have any connection between LaBelle and food. if she can write a cookbook,  how about Paddington Bear? He actually eats marmalade (and marmite?), that makes him more qualified in my book.

 And the outright winner in my findings was Cookin’ With Coolio. Coolio? Really?  I know nothing about Coolio other than he apparently has  no sense of humor, judging by his reaction to Amish Paradise

This is not a man who I want to get cooking advice from.

I guess I’m jut not ready to pimp my kitchen.

The spot has been a favorite of Michelle & their daughters, who have been several times. However, the POTUS himself had yet to stop by, despite having twice visited Ray’s Hell Burger in Arlington. Obama ordered a regular cheeseburger, fries and a salad, while the table shared a round of milkshakes. No word on Obama’s favorite milkshake of the bunch, which wedge salad he ordered, or if he tried any of Good Stuff’s 4 dipping mayos. Good Stuff is already slammed every time I go in there anywhere near lunch or dinner hours, but this visit from the POTUS can only give the burger join more press as they prepare to expand to Crystal City and Georgetown.

Onions, relish, tomatoes, mustard, peppers, a pickle spear, and naturally, tiger blood, aka Sriracha hot sauce.

What, no sprinkling of Adonis DNA, an essence of warlock, a dash of bi-winning, or a seven-gram rock of the drug, also called “Charlie Sheen”?  Too bad.

I hope the combination doesn’t turn the inside of the frank into Patton Oswalt’s Twitter assessment:

The inside of Charlie Sheen’s urethra must look like Willy Wonka’s boat ride.

That’s not, duh, winning.

H/t to TMZ for the photo at top.

I received an invite this morning to an event with Jimmy Fallon and Ben & Jerry at 30 Rockefeller tomorrow night for a special announcement – now the people in attendance made clear a new flavor was going to be announced, but before I even had a chance to find a So Good correspondent in NYC to attend, I discovered the ice cream has already been appearing in stores! Whoops, that kind of kills the surprise announcement huh?

Checkout the review from someone who has actually tasted the ice cream, Rodzilla Reviews which also draws a mention on Mediaite.

Does this flavor sound intriguing to you? I LOVE salty and sweet together, so when chocolate covered pretzels or peanuts appear in the form of an ice cream filling or a Take 5 bar, I’m all about it. Will be curious to see how the crunchy potato chips hold up in the ice cream after receiving a protective layer of fudge coating. Also lets see how salty vs. caramel-ish this “Salty Caramel Swirl” is.

Also, So Good is giving away three coupons for a FREE package of Philly Cooking Creme. Just leave a comment on this post saying what Philly Cooking Creme flavor looks most interesting to you and I’ll select someone to send the free coupons too. Contest ends at midnight EST next Sunday.

Obligatory disclosure note: I’m working with Philly to help promote this video, but still found it interesting enough to share with So Good readers.

The writing was on the wall pretty quickly for Oreo. As failblog reported around 12:30 pm yesterday, Lil Wayne decided to hop on the bandwagon of setting a Guinness World Record. Although he has 20 million likes on Facebook, that didn’t appear to be the deciding factor. Unlike Oreo fans, his actually seemed down for the cause. Six hours into the challenge, the Oreo post had 61,000 likes. Lil Wayne? Just one hour after his post, he had a stunning 305,000. Meaning in 1/6th the time, he garnered 5 times as many likes as Oreo. I’m no math major but….you get the idea. Domination.

But of course the day wasn’t over at 12:30 pm – perhaps Oreo could muster a comeback? Not even close.  At 1:30 am last night, Oreo stood at 111,000 likes. Lil Wayne? 453,000. The beat down continued. As we awoke this morning to see the final tally (at least for Oreo, Lil Wayne still has about 6 hours to go as of this posting), here is where the race stood:

Just over 114,000 is the final tally for Oreo. For Lil Wayne, 490,000 with another 5-6 hours to go.

In its posts leading up to Tuesday, Oreo set a target of more than 50,000 likes for its Tuesday morning post, which, the brand believed, would set the record for most likes in a 24 hour period. Um, sure, I guess. Just 4 days ago, Lil Wayne simply posted “I like you” from his iPhone, and garnered 75,000 likes. Now granted they weren’t all in the first 24 hours, but Oreo’s previous status update, touting Oreo Valentine’s Day e-cards garnered….wait for it…..wait for it….977 likes.

Ouch. Oreo, you never stood a chance. You got owned. Lil Wayne style.