Uh…..why was that so long? I feel like I could have got the message in 15-20 seconds.

Via AdFreak.

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Oh, and not only are the bars called “fingers” but Mars invites you to “pleasure yourself.” I think you can see the direction this is heading in. Check out the first ad below:

After noting a quote from a woman who points out that marketers seem to take the link women have between chocolate and sensuality TOO literally, AdGabber sums up their analysis of the new product by noting:

For the record, confections that invite associations to masturbating aren’t exactly items we’re eager to put in our mouths.

When checking out the Fling website, I was invited to “join” the community. Deciding to take one for the team (my readers) I registered to see what estrogen fueled craziness the site was all about. Sadly it appears they just collected my e-mail in order to make me an early applicant for whatever community they might soon develop.  Too bad. I was hoping the U.S. website was going to be as ridiculous as the site they used when launching the candy bar in New Zealand. There, a website was created where women could “have a fling” with their choice of a foreign billionaire or a bad boy on the run (really ladies? is that how limited your fantasies are? What about the comedian/food blogger/marketing executive fling?).  The site also lets women engage in other hilarious marriage threatening activities such as creating an alibi. All in good fun of course.

There’s actually a YouTube video which shows you the features of this website in New Zealand if you don’t have to be anywhere for two minutes:

Fling is currently available in stores in California and online. Sorry ladies in the other 49 states!

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They were tiny, so they don’t look like much in this photo.

Gotta say, pretty tasty. Tasted just like a Krackel bar.

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I thought the presentation went great and was very well received, and the conference as a whole was a lot of fun. I will say this: I have never seen so much candy in my life. In every presentation room there were huge bowls filled with dozens of different kinds of candy.  As a thank you for presenting, the NCA was nice enough to send me a gift pack full of goodies & sweets:

The teddy bear has taken up residence on my desk at work.  For those of you wondering, yes that is an entire SET of Disney Princess Pez dispensers in back.

If you’re wondering, no, I didn’t keep them, they were donated to some Disney Princess fans in my office.

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Stick around for the last few seconds of the commercial and you’ll see why someone really needs to bring back the term “Nerd Gate.”

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H/T to Eat Me Daily.

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The Serious Eats list of the ten worst contains a few items you would expect to make the list, such as these orange, white and yellow “treats”, or as I like to call them, concentrated evil in candy form:

However, the list is lacking some of America’s worst candy, perhaps because even though they are popular, they aren’t typically associated with Halloween. I’m thinking here about two of the most foul and disgusting candy creations to ever grace the planet earth:

So Good readers, I’m looking for you to weigh in on this one. What is the worst Halloween candy out there?

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I just got back from a midnight showing of Batman:The Dark Knight. (Which, I might add for my readers, was dope, dope, dope. Go see it. And I’m not just saying that because I have a giant asexual crush on Christopher Nolan and every movie he makes).

Prior to the movie beginning, I had a craving, as I often do at movie theaters, for the delectable sweet & sour flavor of Sour Patch Kids. So I went to the concession stand and said “Sour Patch Kids please.” Did they say, “sorry we don’t have those, but we do have Sour Jacks”? No. Instead, they just handed me the Sour Jacks as if they were simply the same thing. If I’m going to pay $4 for a bag of candy, it damn well better be the actual candy I want.

Now some of you candy purchasers over at AMC are probably thinking, “well Sour Jacks are similar enough to Sour Patch Kids, what’s this candy elitist complaining about?” Uh, no, they aren’t. If you think that they are, you clearly do not have a discerning palate when it comes to sour gummy candies. Because quite frankly, compared to Sour Patch Kids, Sour Jacks are liking eat a handful of horseshit.

YES!

No!

Fortunately for you, AMC, I was so riveted by Batman that 3 minutes into the movie I forgot I was even holding Sour Jacks, and didn’t eat any of them after the movie started. I’ll let you slide this time AMC, but only because it’s 3:45 am and I’m still jacked up on energy from the movie. But I’ll be watching you AMC, I’ll be watching.

Love always,

So Good

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This is a true story – about two summers ago, I was walking through Dupont Circle, pack of Starburst in hand, opening and eating them as I walk. When out of nowhere, some guy on the bench I was walking by says, and I quote, “Dude…eating Starburst huh? FYI, pink…..TOTALLY the best flavor.”

Uh what?

First off, who are you? Second, why are you speaking to me? Do you really think at the age of 25 I’m buying Starburst for the first time in my life? Or that I have no clue what the best color is? Even if I HAD just bought them for the first time ever, do I look like the kind of person that is incapable of discerning flavors and using my taste buds to determine which one tastes the best?

This also raises a much larger, and more troubling concern. Are there really people who think that the issue of the best tasting Starburst color is still up for debate? Do they not realize that this issue has been 100% settled for the past 20 years? I don’t know about your social circle, but mine pretty much reached the consensus that pink was the best flavor when I was oh, I don’t know, NINE YEARS OLD.

And please, spare me the “I actually like red the best” nonsense I hear from time to time. If that’s true, you are probably a communist. Red Starburst tastes like every other fake cherry candy on the market and pales in comparison to the brilliant flavor explosion that is the pink Starburst (no need to get into yellow, which everyone seems to agree tastes like kitchen floor cleaner).

So in conclusion, if you are a stranger on a park bench, don’t comment on my Starburst eating.

If you are an average American just reading this blog post, please, don’t pretend that there is some sort of open debate about which flavor is the best, because there isn’t. It’s been settled. I know, because I was there: June, 1989, when the world united to agree that pink was the best flavor.

(Photo of Starburst via Candy Craze)

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1. Snickers
2. Doritos Big Grab
3. Peanut M&M’s
4. Cheetos
5. Cheez-It Original
6. Twix Bar
7. Strawberry Frosted Pop-Tarts
8. Rice Krispies Treat
9. Lay’s Chips
10. Mrs. Freshley’s Jumbo Honey Bun

A few interesting observations from this list. First off, the Mrs. Freshley’s is probably the most unknown entity on that list. As one of my friends pointed out, breakfast options in vending machines are limited, which might account for the popularity of Pop Tarts and the Honey Bun’s.

Nothing else jumps out as me as particularly surprising, with one exception: Peanut M&M’s. Where are the regular M&M’s? They didn’t even crack the top ten. Do Peanut M&M’s really outsell regular M&M’s? Or is that just a vending machine phenomenon?

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The concept of the Mentos Kiss Cam is pretty bizarre: a busty blond in a skimpy swimsuit emerges from the ocean, comes this close to your computer screen, instructs you to turn on your webcam, and you’re supposed to make out with her. Not kidding. She actually waits there until you move your mouth up to the computer, and then you get to French her. In case you’re into dudes and/or horses, there’s an alternate make-out option involving a dashing white knight on horseback.

But here’s the interesting part, after being live for only a couple days, the site now has a screen that says “Be Back Soon.” Endless Simmer has some speculation on why this might have happened.

If this marketing gimmick fails to make a return, it’s too bad those of us who missed it won’t get to see how bizarre it is for someone to make out with a computer screen. Oh wait…..thanks to the miracle of YouTube, we can still view the promotional trailer for the site. As Endless Simmer notes, the video contains “outrageously excited nipples.” Enjoy.

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