Who doesn’t have fond memories of Rice Kripsies Squares? The iconic ooey, gooey snack which became a staple of any Mom’s “This will shut them up!” repertoire? Nostalgia alone had me begging  my fellow So Gooder, Sam to mail a care package up to the Great White North to help  satiate my intrigue for a new snack mix on the market.

What if your Dollar Store could finance a super hero team?  Think of  Rice Krispies Treat Crunch Mix as “The Avengers” of knock off snacks, combining six lackluster components together, whose only special abilities are to leave a chemical taste in your mouth and a deep seeded resented towards Snap, Crackle and Pop for selling out.

Every single component in this bag is Hawkeye.

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Yes, whenever you see the word “Chocolatey” on a package, you immediately lower all expectations.  Why do the Rice Krispies Treats look like popcorn? On the cover it reads “Now a NEW way to enjoy Rice Krispies Treats… in crunchy CLUSTERS! Yeah, they totally capped “clusters”. In a way this is fitting, since I am holding back using the word in a sentence that would no so eloquently describe my experience after munching through this bag of shame.

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The line-up for this snack mix offers nothing really ground breaking. Salty? CHECK.  Sweet? CHECK. Ruin your daily allowed caloric intake? CHECK.

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Cocoa Buttons: Appear to be  rejected M&M’s with less shell sheen and iconic lettering power washed off for legal reasons. Cheap chocolate finish lurks within the sugary exterior. 2/5

Cocoa Balls: Low rent Coco-Puffs. So grainy even Sonny, the nutty, cereal addicted bird would snub his nose at them. Any points awarded for crunchiness were soundly cancelled out by a nasty chemical aftertaste. 1/5

Mini Pretzel Twists: Not rocket science. Points awarded for liberal sprinkles of salt, while deduction made for being slightly stale..  2.5/5

Fudge Covered Pretzel Twists: Probably the highlight of the bag as they seem to be pre-salted before the fudge dunk. Said chocolatey coating prevented same fate as its naked bag relative in the staleness department.  3/5

Mini Chocolate Chip Cookie: Strangely resembled peanuts. Peanuts with melanoma. Little taste profile and chalky, in no way resembling even the worst chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever stuffed my face with. 0/5

Rice Krispies Treats Clusters: Childhood memory killer. These crunchy orbs offer little marshmallow taste. They don’t even remotely resemble the iconic treat, in that nothing in a cluster looks anything like a Rice Krispie. More like Snap, Crackle and Dust.  0/5

OVERALL SCORE:  1.5 out of 5

By the way, I would be remiss without pointing out that these are also available in a white chocolatey flavor too. And by flavor I mean snacktastrophe.

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How Can They Save This Snack?

  1. More savory in this bag.  I counted a total of 12-13 mini pretzels (naked and cocoa drenched) per bag. This snack is begging for a mini nacho chip.
  2. Add a nut. At least then some people would be more inclined to pick this up as an impulse, last minute trail mix buy. Worried about your “chocolatey” branding? Ever heard of Goobers?
  3. It’s called Rice Krispies Treats Crunch. That in itself is a major flaw in both concept execution and marketing. Rice Krispie squares are supposed to be chewy.
  4. Kill off  ‘Honey I shrunk the Chips Ahoy”. Replace with a peanut butter item.
  5. Finally, get rid of those Cocoa Balls.  They resemble Cocoa Puffs and I suspect any person eating a bag of these immediately think the exact same thing.  Are you OK with giving General Mills a free shout out? Look, you already have Cocoa Krispies in your canon, revamp your signature component and offer both in the mix.
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2 Responses

  1. Sam

    These snacks sit in my store for so long never getting bought. I’ve even seen customers making fun of them. They really are the Hawkeye of convenience store snacking. I almost want somebody to buy a bag like the way you want to see a homeless child get adopted. But having read this review, I know it’s not going to be me!

    Reply

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