Clean Up On Aisle Fail: Questionable Canned Foods

The next time you’re scraping off that top layer of jelly which accompanies every glistening block of  Spam, you can thank the French for providing your gag reflex a workout.

During the first few years of the Napoleonic Wars,  France’s government offered a reward to whoever could invent a process for maintaining the shelf life of food for their troops. French brewer Nicolas Appert introduced glass jars in 1809 but in 1810, British merchant Peter Durand patented the process of preserving food in a tin.

It wasn’t too long until the process jumped the pond, when in 1812, the U.S. saw its first canning factory up and running in New York City. Both World War I and II drove the demand for inexpensive, easy to store goods with extended best before dates dramatically.

I’m fairly certain the inventor of this process could never have dreamed the following  items would end up inside one of his vacuum packed legacies.

Not Don Draper’s finest hour.

I can has canned cheezburger?

Jambalaya Helper.

“Here I am, rock me like some botulism”.

Which came first, the chicken or the gag?

Holy Mole. From the Fear Factor line of snacks.

Enjoy Dasher and Dancer and Prancer on crackers.

Ewe will love Tom’s tongue.

Now here’s a real wing eating challenge if I ever saw one.

Is it just me or does the milk gravy part gross you out more?

When there’s eel in a pie, from a can, don’t ask why. That’s a moray.

Free “Nautilus” toy inside every can!

Don’t settle for an inferior, skinless canned haggis.

Eat them up, yum.

Wild game changer.

Frankly, every good hot dog should taste like the Dead Sea.

I’m sure their lawyers made them spell it that way.

“Smoked” is Texan for “Hit by a Kia”.

BONUS CATEGORY: GAG NOVELTY CANS

(Re-labelled cans of Spaghetti-O’s)