We have all been there, it’s 2:30 AM, you are heading home from the bar and the munchies have settled in. Nothing else is open between you and your home other than the 24 hour convenience store. You make your way through the door and the last hot dog on the roller grill is too gross to even contemplate. Not for me perhaps but that is another article. You mill around and there it is, in the refrigerator next to the microwave,  that giant bean and meat filled log of spiciness.

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Full disclosure here, I have eaten these before, just never in the light of day, and certainly never with the intention of examining it. The directions are simple, if thawed, as mine was,open one end,microwave on high for two minutes, then turn and microwave for one minute. Easy enough. Three minutes later I had my super heated volcano of burrito lava.

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The steam makes it tough to read but that is a whopping 170 degrees in the center. Have to let than thing site for a couple minutes so that I don’t wind up with cheese napalm adhering to the roof of my mouth. I cut it open to give it a look and help it cool off. I don’t want to end up like this guy

Cutting it open was pretty much what I expected, a mostly unrecognizable blob of meat and beans with some cheese.

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If I looked really close I could see some pieces of beans, much more so when I peeled back the, now very soggy, tortilla.

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Enough time had elapsed and it was time to taste, it was still very hot, almost too hot to eat after a few minutes but I powered through. The first taste was really just spice, not much else going on. The texture was all just very soft, I’m pretty sure you could eat one of these without teeth.

After a few more bites, and some additional cooling time I was  able to taste a bit more of what was going on inside, the beans were the most pronounced flavor and texture, still pretty spicy but there was a clear distinction between meat, cheese, beans and the tortilla itself. None of it was particularly good but it wasn’t really bad either.

All in all I would have to say leave these things in the darkness of your late night food cravings, you can try it if you want but you aren’t missing anything if you don’t

 

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2 Responses

  1. ephemeralnoms@gmail.com'
    Chris H

    I’m ashamed to say that I would pick up these things a few mornings per week back when I was in high school and would eat them cold for breakfast. What’s worse, 1 in 6 or so were bad because of gristly meat or dried refried beans. And yet I still kept buying them.

    Reply
    • Mark

      No shame in that, I spent an entire summer (in summer school) eating beef jerky and gatorade for breakfast. All teenage food adventures get a pass in my book. Though I have to say if you ate those things cold you could be writing these articles. That is hardcore.

      Reply

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