Turkey Coma 2012: Not Your Granny's Thanksgiving

The last time someone tried to make Thanksgiving Dinner exciting again was when Joey got that gigantic turkey stuck on his head on an episode of “Friends“. BTW, Mr. Bean is still looking for his royalty check from that blatantly obvious lift.

There’s nothing wrong with sitting down to a sumptuous banquet of carbs with all the fixins’. There is however, room for improvement. Nosh on these reboots and spins on the tried and true turkey time traditions.

Warning, these ideas are probably guaranteed to elicit a livid WTF? out of your visiting eighty-nine year old Grandmother. So ensure you are willing to be written off her Christmas list before you choose to try any of them. Chance are it was going to be socks anyways.

Mummifying a Butterball in bacon ensures optimal turkey meat juiciness, while rewarding a long cooking time with crispier skin and well, bacon.

Embrace trendiness and turn your turkey into a cupcake filled Pinata.

Mashed potatoes are so much more delish when deep fried. Bonus points for freezing small cubes of butter in the center of each one before the plunge. It’ll pay off, believe me.

Bacon gravy deserves a battleship, not a boat.

Candied carrot balls sound like a spin off from one of Chef’s creations on South Park. Part bread, all carrot, they make a scrumptious vehicle for sopping up gravy.

Green Bean casserole is so old school, you can find drawings of it being served in caves. Take the beans, wrap in, wait for it, oink ribbon and bake in the oven.

Some people (not me) feel guilty when they have two slices of pie at Thanksgiving. This ingenious hybrid features pumpkin on the bottom and pecan pie on the top.

If you don’t want to make Thanksgiving dessert because you’ve put your blood, sweat and tears (btw – gross) into the main course, run on down to Baskin Robbins. They’re selling this turkey ice cream cake. Mmm… soft serve breast.

Finally, when all is said and done, forgo the classic midnight turkey sandwich with this leftover Thanksgiving cake, featuring a marshmallow-yam top and mashed potato icing.