Replacing Swear Words With Food Names is Disturbing

One of my pet peeves is when people say “Fudge!” or “Oh, Sausages!” or some other silly word in place of a swear word. According to the Children, Youth, and Women’s Health Services, this is a healthy way for your child to avoid swearing.

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Is this really the best way to ward off swearing? Any word you say in place of an expletive is going to carry the same amount of anger or derision; the fact that it’s now encased in a sickly-sweet word package doesn’t change the negativity.

Just think about it: a brick falls on dad’s foot and he screams, “Fudruckers!” while his kid watches on. Said kid is still going to be traumatized by dad’s screaming and anger. Plus, dad has just forever tainted the image of what would have been a delightful hamburger establishment.

Some other popular unsettling swear word replacements I gathered from various parenting websites:

“Aw, peaches!”

“Son of a biscuit!”

“Oh, fish paste!”

“Good gravy!”

“Asset crackers!” (I don’t get this one)

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Well, the fact that I will never be able to eat fudge again without thinking of your barely-restrained outrage is rude and upsetting to me.

I’d rather you just go for the gold and swear at me, or not swear at all.

What are your experiences with using food names to avoid swearing? Share your cheesy, disturbing, and clever submissions in the comments section below.