I Try It So You Don’t Have To: Cheetos Crunchy Jalapeno Cheddar

The suggestions for disgusting/bizarre/odd things for me to eat have been rolling in. I have done a few and welcome them all. So, while my stomach may not thank you, I do.

Yet, sometimes, I don’t need your suggestions. There is plenty of random stuff out there for me to just stumble upon on my own, when I am out minding my own business. For instance, during a quick dash in to CVS this weekend, I stumbled upon these Cheetos of the Crunchy Jalapeño Cheddar variety. I picked them up, pondered them, and wondered “Who eats this stuff?” I was then quickly reminded that I write a column to explore such things. I am smart like that…so here are my thoughts.

Smell: Fake cheese smell…gross, processed, mildly stale fake cheese smell. I have come to know this smell well. It is becoming and old and familiar friend.

Texture/Appearance: What an apt moniker these “treats” have. These Cheetos are, indeed, quite crunchy. Frankly, I am more of a fan of the regular, non-crunchy Cheetos ( or even better, Jax…oh, how I adore Jax), but there was nothing inherently objectionable about the texture. The appearance? Kinda lumpy and bumpy and speckled with red dots. They look like they need a trip to the doctor. The specks make sense when you read the ingredient list; these Cheetos are made with “jalapeño chili powder”.

Taste: These are not all that spicy, yet they do manage to have a bit of a slow burn afterward. Flavor wise, my roomie hit the nail on the head: they taste like Doritos. This prompts the question: Cheetos, why did you replicate a flavor that already exists? And after said replication, why did you call it jalapeño flavor? These do not taste like jalapeños; these are merely cheetos with heat. Jalapeños actually have a flavor besides containing heat, but you sure don’t experience that flavor here.

Final Verdict: These were fine. Yet, plenty of things in this world are fine. I don’t want fine. I want wonderful. You know what is wonderful? Doritos. Eat those.

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Lemmonex writes almost daily about food, life, and her undying love for anything animal print on her blog, Culinary Couture.