I grew up in lily white New England. My first introduction to anything vaguely ethnic was Chicken Fried Rice at the age of 13. By the end of middle school, I had expanded my horizons and moved up to the fun and exciting menu of Taco Bell. I’ve come a long way, baby, but I have to admit, the Goya section of the store sometimes bewitches me with its cloak of mystery. When I saw this “Cola Champagne”, I had to try it.

Smell: I popped the cap off and was greeted by a cloyingly sweet smell. It was super synthetic, which makes sense as the last time I checked, “Cola Champagne” actually doesn’t occur in nature. It reminded me of pixie stick dust.

Texture/Appearance: It’s cold and wet, as any soda should be. The color is a pale orange, less like the bright color of orange soda and more like the slightly more subdued orange hue of Hi-C.

Taste: OK, I need you to stick with me here. At first, I thought “Cream Soda mixed with Smarties”. Upon a second try, I have decided it is more like Birch Beer with Sprees. Birch beer is a touch milder than cream soda, and the undertones of this drink are not nearly as potent as the full frontal candy-like sugar assault that hits your palette like a ton of bricks. I think we can all agree the Sprees are more sugary than it’s tart cousin, Smarties, so I picked Sprees as the dominant flavor, and I am sticking to it. I am sure Sweet Tart comparisons could come in to play here as well, but I have already expended far too much mental energy on this.

Final Verdict: What I haven’t mentioned yet is, even though I knew better, I was kind of hoping this was alcoholic. Milller has me brainwashed with their High Life “Champagne of Beers” campaign. Alcoholic cola? Sign me up! Alas, it was not to be. I don’t think I will be imbibing in this on the regular; I took about 4 sips and it was a sugar overload. I swear if I drank the whole bottle, my teeth would instantly crumble out of my mouth. Goya Cola Champagne: NO ME GUSTA!

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Lemmonex writes almost daily about food, life and her most recent dumb decisions on her blog, Culinary Couture.

11 Responses

  1. Mayuko

    I’ve never had that Goya cola champagne, but I’ve had D&G Kola Champagne. In terms of being “ethnic”, D&G is a Jamaican brand. It is possibly the best soda I’ve ever had!
    I’m no good at describing flavor. I’ve never had Birch beer, so I don’t know about that. But Smarties in cream soda sounds about right. I haven’t had D&G kola champagne in a few months, so I can’t recall how sweet it is. I guess it’s no sweeter than orange juice.
    If you get the chance, I *really* think you should try the D&G kola.

    Reply
  2. Tanya

    But have you tried mixing it with whiskey? Takes off the cloying edge, and leaves a slight bubble gum flavor.

    Reply
  3. Lisa

    I just tried this last night, and was also trying to pinpoint the familiar flavors. The main one I picked up was the taste of those orange soft Circus Peanuts candies.

    Reply
  4. Tdot

    It’s freaken hilarious to hear a white person’s point of view on Cola Champagne, it’s best when you drink it along with a beef party in cocoa bread or rice and beans with plaintains oxtails or fried pork

    Reply

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