Dear AMC Movie Theaters,
I just got back from a midnight showing of Batman:The Dark Knight. (Which, I might add for my readers, was dope, dope, dope. Go see it. And I’m not just saying that because I have a giant asexual crush on Christopher Nolan and every movie he makes).
Prior to the movie beginning, I had a craving, as I often do at movie theaters, for the delectable sweet & sour flavor of Sour Patch Kids. So I went to the concession stand and said “Sour Patch Kids please.” Did they say, “sorry we don’t have those, but we do have Sour Jacks”? No. Instead, they just handed me the Sour Jacks as if they were simply the same thing. If I’m going to pay $4 for a bag of candy, it damn well better be the actual candy I want.
Now some of you candy purchasers over at AMC are probably thinking, “well Sour Jacks are similar enough to Sour Patch Kids, what’s this candy elitist complaining about?” Uh, no, they aren’t. If you think that they are, you clearly do not have a discerning palate when it comes to sour gummy candies. Because quite frankly, compared to Sour Patch Kids, Sour Jacks are liking eat a handful of horseshit.
Fortunately for you, AMC, I was so riveted by Batman that 3 minutes into the movie I forgot I was even holding Sour Jacks, and didn’t eat any of them after the movie started. I’ll let you slide this time AMC, but only because it’s 3:45 am and I’m still jacked up on energy from the movie. But I’ll be watching you AMC, I’ll be watching.